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Ok with u not in my life anymore. Hell it took me a long time. But I thought I got there. I was there. Until October 13th when u ignored my call and messages. I didn’t do anything wrong mom. U know I never did. Me and brother js don’t fit into ur perfect family over in ur house. That’s fine. I have my family here. But mom I was only 10 when it really started. 10. Why did I have to mature more than u? Why did I have to find out later on while u were at court with dad that u had drugs involved? That u asked for help?Why did I have to see u abused? And then stay with him and work things out? And then have this family together? U put me through hell. And I learned. And matured. And grew. Mom I’m 16. 16. I’m stressing about AP classes. How im a junior. How I will be a senior next year. How I will graduate and my childhood is over. How this boy I have found attractive since freshmen year but thought he never knew me calls me every night and makes me happy. U haven’t talked to me since December. I haven’t seen u since December. And I was ok. But on October 13th I called u for my sisters birthday. U were active on social media. But u couldn’t answer or return my call. U couldn’t have my sister respond to the voice message I sent. I don’t know my sister like that. All I wanted was a sister. But on October 13th I broke down. I don’t know why. I don’t miss u. At least I don’t think so. I barley think about u. So why am I crying over u? Am I crying for the girl who I was? The girl who cried almost every month for u? The girl who couldn’t understand why her mother didn’t love her as much as the boyfriend? I don’t know. But it’s October 18th and I’m on the verge of a panic attack looking in the mirror and listening to the girl tell me her story. How she felt. Listening to the girl who is confused. Who is hurting. Who is still learning to let go. The girl who thought was ok with u not in her life. The girl who just realized that being ok might just be a lie.
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