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I haven't written on here in a while, but right now I just feel like releasing these emotions and thoughts. So, I started university a month ago. I was really anxious to start university in the beginning, but in the end it wasn't as scary as I thought. I was also really nervous about making friends and finding my place. I still struggle with this. I have been able to overcome some of my anxieties and talk to people (I'm really proud of myself, because I have bad social anxiety).
All the people in my class have been really nice, but I haven’t found anyone yet that I can really see myself getting friends with. They're all nice to talk to and eat lunch with, but I guess I just haven't found anyone I really click with. I don't feel like I can be myself around these people.
Today I met one of my high school friends who moved cities to another university. She told me how she had already found a friend group at uni. She showed me pictures of the things they had done together and talked about how she felt like she fit right in. I know how important this was for her, so I'm incredibly happy for her. But in the moment, I couldn't help to compare.
I've never had it easy to feel like I fit in somewhere. The only place I have truly felt like I have fitted in was with my three friends from high school. I have never felt so free and accepted in a group of people. With them I could be my authentic self. But now we have all moved on to different things. I miss the love I felt with them so much.
My friend even talked about how she's had a few boys interested in her, while this also made me happy for her, it also made reality sink in even harder for me. I'm 20 years old and I don't know anything about romance, I have never even kissed someone or held hands with someone.
I'm probably one of those people with a weirder personality who needs someone with a slightly weird personality to be able to feel comfortable. I do notice that I require a certain person to feel like I can truly open up and feel like myself so maybe that's why I feel so out of place. But I'm tired of being one of those people who have to search for their kind of people, sometimes I wish I could be like my friend who can just start a new life in another city.
I know I have my own timeline and my chance will come, but I'm just sick of this feeling. All I want is to feel like I fit in somewhere.
I don't know what my point is here, I guess if you have any advice or something to make me feel less alone with this feeling - feel free to leave it in the comments. Please be nice though :)
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