What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Hello. It’s been almost a year now since I found out my husband was cheating, some may consider it not cheating but to me it was and it was the ultimate betrayal of my trust. We have been married for 15 years now and together for 19 years total. We had our first child when we were only 20. It hasn’t been the easiest marriage since we married very young but one thing I always trusted was that he would never cheat. He was a person who never looked at other women or if his friends/guys whoever it was, commented on a woman being hot or sweating over them, it never seemed to spark any interest.
Anyhow, Dec 2022, we had just celebrated our baby girls golden 6th birthday at Disney and I was feeling so grateful that we were able to create this life for our kids despite how chaotic it had been as I reflected back on the years we have been together. He had been going to college part time for over 8 years and was finally going to be done at the end of 2023. At the time I would be graduating in summer of 2023. Our 4th baby was due in March 2023. But my world came crashing down on me when I found secret emails he was using for different platforms from twitter, TikTok, to onlyfans. I found this out bc I had looked at a msg on his phone one day and it was of someone liking a comment he wrote on this girls TikTok. I was mortified. I was 7 months pregnant and thought life was finally going to slow down for us. We were finally both going to be done with school and finally both going to be able to focus on our family and kids.
I couldn’t sleep that night. I looked more into his phone and found the secret emails. I couldn’t believe what was unfolding and to be honest, it felt like an out of body experience. If you could physically see my world, it was like everything just crashed down on me. I didn’t sleep for 2 whole days. I just cried and cried my heart out. I continued to cry for weeks. He apologized over and over again but I told him he should leave. I asked his family to urge him to give me space so he stayed with them for a week. I missed him so much and my kids missed him so much but I felt like the person I knew all along was fake. I questioned if he was ever happy. I still do now. He answered every question I had and admitted to only messaging and looking at other women online but how do I even know? Our schedules were always all over the place bc of school, work, and kids. I questioned everything.
It’s been almost a year and we’ve had our baby. It’s been one of my happiest and saddest moments of my life. One day I’m grateful to have my baby and the next I’m sad as hell. I feel like everything I knew was a lie. All the times I thought he was happy to have our family was tainted. I mean one message he wrote, the day after spending new years with our entire extended family. I don’t know if I have just tricked my heart and mind to forgive and forget for the sake of my kids or what but I am up and down all the time. One day I’m really happy and the next I’m bracing for impact. We spend a lot of our time with our kids. And he is with me majority of the time as he was before as well so it really makes me feel so insecure about where his head is really at.
I don’t know. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has gone through this and if me being up and down so much is a sign that I should just let it go. And that maybe sometimes some things are just so broken, it can never be fixed even if you both try. I try to talk to him sometimes but even when I get answers out of him, I still don’t feel confident in my future with him anymore. Then some days I’m glad I still have him to lean on for other hardships in my life outside of our marriage…
Sighs
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
I'm stressed
My sister is visiting us rn for holidays and she's sleeping in my room. I feel so stressed.. I cant be alone at all because she's always in my room, I cant rela...
-
Every Single Day
Today I have some realizations I realized that, I am on my own. I dont feel that I have a partner in happiness. I felt that my purpose being here, in this...
I have not been through this, or anything similar. So maybe my thoughts aren't super helpful. I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this though. It sounds like the trust was broken and you can't fully get over that, which is completely understandable. I know of couples who have been through this and broken up, but I have also seen people get past it and become stronger and closer. If you are still feeling weary about this, I really don't think you should ignore it. Maybe it would be helpful to get couples and/or individual therapy. It might help you both to work out how you are feeling and what led to the betrayal in the first place (not saying that it was by any means your fault, because it was most definitely not). Try to talk it through. You deserve more than always wondering if something is going on. <3
ReplyThank you for your comment. When I asked why, his first initial answer was that I was stressing him out. And what he meant was when I didn’t let him go out like he used to (getting drunk all the time, never coming home). I gave him a lot of chances to change and he did stop going out like that but in return, he emotionally cheated. I still wonder if he ever physically did but I will never know. I was so distraught I went to get STD testing to give myself a peace of mind but even that didn’t help. The trust is slowly being built and he has done a lot to try and show me he really does love me but I can’t shake the thought “I thought he loved me before too and look what happened.” I’m just really rambling because I don’t have anyone to talk to and have thought about therapy for myself but wanted to use this platform first to get some things off my mind.
ReplyHe needs to realise that it's not enough for a husband to love his wife, he is also to find her sexually attractive above all other women. You are obviously not enough for him. He may well say he loves you, but that isn't the same as finding his wife (you) sexually desirable. The bottom line is that he's got a wandering eye and he's probably comparing you to all these other women and how you measure up or not. Most likely not. There will always be younger and sexier females out there while you (his wife) is getting older and uglier with age and time.
Reply