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I don't know.. this must sound funny..
My girlfriend has been talking to other guys.. and when i asked her why she is doing so.. she said that she is jus making friends.. and after lots and lots of asking.. she finally said that I am not funny.. i am not like friends with her.. that I don't laugh much.. and she is not wrong ... I am not much of a lively character.. someone who has 0 social skills... And sometimes I wonder how I managed to get my girlfriend.. and why she still continues to stay with me..
Being in a strict family.. and not having much friends in the school and College.. I don't really know how to socialize.. I don't want to get into all of that.. but I want to know how to change.. how do I become a lively person.. so that my girlfriend does not that something is lacking in the relationship and does not go seeking it somewhere else... It hurts me.. that she has to do it.. that I can't give her what she needs..
I have had this complaint from many my friends and family.. that i never have anything to say.. that i seem to be sad always.. and stuff like that.. but i never paid much attention to it..
I need advice.. literally anything is okay.. books... real life advices.. blogs.. someone to follow... Literally anything.. you wanna call me a real loser?.. that's also okay....😄.. my girlfriend is a really nice person.. don't talk wrong about her...
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I feel like you are approaching this the wrong way. I am only a stranger, but it hurts me to think that you feel you have to change yourself to be more palatable to the people in your life who are meant to love you unconditionally. Idk, maybe it's one thing to want to improve yourself for your own betterment, but it's different if you feel that you have to change those things so that your girlfriend won't talk to other guys, or your family and friends will stop complaining about you. She doesn't have to talk to other guys. You said, "it hurts me... that she has to do it.." but she doesn't have to do it. She chose to do it. That's unfair to you. Even nice people can be unfair sometimes. You should really value yourself more.
I am similar to you. I don't have many friends. I have trouble talking to others. And I'm not super fun around people I don't trust or feel comfortable around. Still, my family has never complained, and my friend accepts me for who I am. I still believe that I deserve love. I would like to become more sociable and confident, but it's not for the sake of others. I feel it would make my life easier, if I felt more comfortable in my skin, and found a way to feel happier in my situation.
You deserve those things too. You also deserve people in your life who accept you either way. Sorry, because I know this wasn't really advise, and maybe you feel that I talked badly about the people in your life. That's just what I felt reading this post. At the end of the day, I am still a stranger on the internet, and I don't know your whole situation. So maybe I am wrong. Either way, I'm rooting for you.
ReplyShe probably just finds introverts like you hard work. Introverts need to be less self-conscious and liven up.
ReplyNot true. You could then say extroverts need to ctfd and stop being so social at 110% all the time. That's hard work too.
Replymaybe she thinks you’re too busy entertaining people who constantly need to bring her down, who knows. you should probably talk to her and ask her things she’d like you to take part in.
ReplyDo you yourself feel sad or do ppl just perceive that you're sad? If you're actually sad then see a professional to talk about things and also to chat about how you want to improve yourself. I think they'd be able to help while making sure you don't try and 'change' yourself. ❤️
Do you not have things you want to say or share with others? experiences with others is a great way to bond and have things to talk about so my suggestion....try new things (on your own AND with others). Experiences with others creates engagement and engagement create feelings of closeness and comradery.
ReplyJoins Sports, hobbies, volunteer opportunities, academic clubs (e.g. toastmasters speech club) where you specifically have to interact with multiple people. Also, practice confidence - people are attracted to confidence. Funny thing is you can act confident and no one can tell the difference between that and actually being confident, the old "fake it til you make it". Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
ReplyIt's really great that you have been able to communicate these feelings and thoughts out here in public... that is a lot courage.... I've had similar experiences, though I'm a girl, i guess i can understand it to some point... maybe you just have to acknowledge her thoughts and feelings... don't change yourself completely for her... then you will loose yourself while you want to be with her.... stay with her... communicate your issues to her... ask her for some advice too... make her understand your point calmly... and listen to her and see her points and thoughts... it will save a lot of miscommunications and it will make your relationship so strong... you will grow as a person... good luck to it... and also... you can read some fictional rom-com books... so you can least can an idea of what a girl really wants in a relationship... of female authors... maybe elena arams... or sarah adams...
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