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I can not bare anymore, I am crumbling, I can rarely breath, I can rarely carry this anylonger, I feel like surrounded, but with blocks, obstacles and things that harm me. I do not want to cope anymore, I want to live, breath freely and happily, experience joy authentically; but all that is given to me is "to cope", well; I can no longer. I wish I died at this very moment; because I can not seem to find a way out of it, and I do not know how much longer I can survive in this situation. All these work, all these toil, all I got was a couch and a horrible damage that can be undone only by being away the situations and the conditions that caused it in the first place. Realistically it is death, final relief for my tired body, for there is no window to breath. I am in pain, not in my being; there is constant serenity, peace and colour there; a pure light and something resembles calm movements of the sea.
I am stuck, and I do not know how long I can hold on, but I will try to, hold on, just a little longer and hopefully, it will begin to get better. If not; I can not cope anylonger, and I will pray for a peaceful sleep to this body.
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