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I found this site after googling "how do I tell my life story?" Being anonymous interests me because I have never really moved past the shame of multiple traumas. I'm no longer associated with any people who would be shocked by my truth but I still don't want those ideas associated with my family name. Universe willing, my sibling will outlive me by a good margin & they deserve to tell their own story in their own time. Besides, if I've learned anything in my 44 years, it's that other people are uncomfortable with my reality.
I want to write because I think I'm dying; I think it's cancer. The bloodwork was 6 weeks ago & it was not great. The first doctor said it was nothing but the second doctor was quite concerned to the point of prescribing medication & ordering more bloodwork to happen in just over 2 more weeks. The 2 months in between appointments has been enough time for some noticeable changes in my body. My lymph nodes are swelling. They don't hurt but they're pushing on things that hurt. I've had weakness & some numbness too.
I also just feel different. I've never thought I had something serious before now. It's almost like I can feel the exact spots in my body that are sick. I'm emotional about it the last few days. I've cried for a few hours. I'm just disappointed in me that my life has been such a disaster. I always hoped I'd have time to fix it into a happy ending but that isn't going to be my story. It looks like I'll probably be gone before I get a chance to even fix some of the more superficial cracks in my foundation. I'm alone & I want to write so at least I can pretend someone is listening.
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