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To my crush and best friend, so far away
You said you’d never stop talking to me, you said you wanted to stay with me, but as soon as I confessed to you that all crumbled. You’re a liar, but I love you all the same. You haven’t talked to me since and frankly I don’t think you’re worth talking to anymore. But I still love you with my entire heart, no matter how much I despise you at the same time. From the moment you smiled so sweetly when I complimented your nail polish I knew you were perfect and that still holds true. You are perfect and I will never be good enough for you and I hate it. I hate you. I love you.
I finally got the courage to give you my phone number 2 days before you moved. I only found out you were going away that afternoon when you texted me about the party. I asked if you were homophobic, I didn’t want to endanger myself. You came out to me, I came out to you. We’re both non binary, we’re both bi, and we’re both complete messes.
I remember after my parents told me I couldn’t go the pain. I remember how we hugged. It was the only time we hugged. I wanted to, as I watched you leave school that final day, and I hate that I didn’t.
I remember how we both sang our hearts out to Girl in Red songs on that FaceTime call. That look in your eyes was one of love.
It’s been a month since you last texted me now and I’m lost. I’m blaming you, because I hate loving you and love hating you. Why can’t I let go? Why did you do this to me? Loving people sucks. For now, I hate you. Forever, I love you.
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