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I can't move on
1 week ago · · Feeling Lost, · Explicit
I was laid off from my job, my fiance of 6 years dumped me and cancelled the wedding, and I turned 30 without any friends or family. All within two weeks. It was a devastating combo that's left me alone, miserable, and trapped in my own head.
I feel totally lost in life now. If it was one thing, I would have been able to bounce back. I'm sure. I supported her in her job search, and with her and her family at my back, I was confident I could quickly recover, too. Without her and her family, I just don't care about a career anymore. I have no future worth investing in, no house I need a down-payment for, and no children to build an inheritance for. I don't need much to support myself now. I know I'll need it later, but I have absolutely no interest in taking up work.
I met her through shared hobbies, but we both dropped them during the pandemic because her parents were at-risk. I feel like if I went back to those communities now, there'd be inevitable questions about us I wouldn't have answers to, and old friends would stay at arm's length to avoid taking sides.
What would I say, that it was amicable? That it was our time? When she told me she changed her mind and that we were done, it was a shock. We had just celebrated making the final payments on bookings a couple days prior. There was no months-long drift, no heated debates, no ominous conversations, no prodding for signs of mutual dissatisfaction; she just her mind made up.
Am I supposed to argue with her, tell her she's wrong and she'll regret it, to think about it? No, that's fucked up and exactly what an abusive trap would do. She made her own choice, but I was never allowed a chance to make mine. I would choose her, every time. I haven't been able to think of anyone as a partner but her since before we started dating. I wear my would-be wedding band over my heart on a necklace. She was my best friend and my whole world, and overnight she became a stranger.
If someone can change just like that, how can I trust anyone? How can I move on from that?