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I don’t understand what to do. I have a boyfriend of 5 years but he is from different cast. My parents are very orthodox and are not ready to even talk about him. Issue is that my whole life they pretend to be modern, accepting and understanding as if I mattered the most to them but as it turns out they care more about the society yet they don’t accept it when I point that out.
It hurts a lot because I believed that at least they would give a genuine shot before rejecting him. They need my input when it comes to their married life or when decision needs to be made for my siblings but not trust me when it is my life.
I don’t know what to do or how to even get the topic stated. It’s not like I haven’t tried but it always ends up in arguments or fights. They have tried to manipulate me, emotionally blackmail me, get mad at me, questioned my character and theirs as well just because I like a guy of different cast (not even different religion).
My boyfriend’s family is very accepting and I have met them on multiple occasions. They have accepted us and give us their complete support and that makes me feel like do my parents really not care enough about me to even for a second think why do I like the guy or to just get to know about him for my safety.
They keep contradicting their own statements for example :
My mom said arrange marriage is better because I can marry into rich family. When I told her about my boyfriend she thought he was super rich and said money is not the only thing that’s important.
It hurts that I am not able to trust them but I don’t know what to do or feel.
I don’t want to give up on my relationship which I know is good because I am a very precautious person I don’t do or get into anything without overthinking it myself. And if I am past that self sabotaging point then I am sure that he is the one.
I don’t want to choose between parents and him and I never will. But it really hurts seeing your parents don’t even want to try and understand your relationship…they don’t trust you to make a decision for your own life.
It has been bugging me so much that my mental health is getting affected. And I can’t even talk about this with anyone because there is no point. No one around me has any idea what it feels like to see someone you trusted so much not trying to even understand you.
They might care for me but without even listening to what I have to say what is that care going to do.
It’s like I want food because I am damn hungry but they bought me toys and not giving me food and want me to be grateful about it and not complain anymore.
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Your parents are deeply entrenched in their own culture and won't budge from it. It is hard for their modern children who want a love relationship and marriage. All I can say is that if you and this guy want to marry you will have to elope and then hope that one day your parents will accept him as your husband. Or keep your marriage a secret from them. Where there is a will there is a way. I wish you all the best.
ReplyYou need to realise that you are an adult. You have every right to make your own decisions. One day, your parents will be deceased before you. Do you want to be with someone you haven't chosen yourself after they've gone? Your parents are being unreasonable and can't expect you to do as they wish. They do not have your best interests at heart. THEY have THEIR best interests at heart, as I think you realise. Why would your parents want you to have to have sex with a man that you do not want or find sexually attractive? That's abusive of them to expect that of their daughter who they are supposed to love. In fact, it's creepy. It's very strange for parents to interfere in another person's sexual and romantic life. Why is it their business? It's yours and yours alone. They have THEIR marriage. Do you interfere in theirs? Why would you? Tell them to concentrate on theirs. You've got to be strong and break free, even if that means that you do not have a relationship with your parents. You must follow YOUR OWN VALUES, not theirs or society's values as you will never be truly happy in your life. You seem too educated to allow yourself to suffer this cultural abuse.
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