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Hi,
I need to ask some questions. I've been feeling down lately. I've considered killing myself myself over and over again the past weeks, and I have been cutting several times a week. yet, I feel like It's all fake. I don't know why, I just feel like I romanticize and fake it. I don't know why I would do this. For attention? Yet I haven't told a single person about how I feel and I don't plan on doing so. I think it might be because I don't feel "valid", because nobody cares, because nothing happens in my life and I want to feel more "real". The thought of that makes me want to kill myself even more.
I am not depressed, nor am I claiming to be. I don't feel that bad honestly, I just get frequent suicidal thoughts that make me feel like I might actually do it (although I think I won't because I'm still a coward, and anyways I've been feeling alright these last couple days). But sometimes I feel like my life isn't bad enough, like i'm not sad enough to be suicidal. This feels crazy though because why would anyone genuinely consider killing themselves, and repetitively harm themselves on purpose?
Also, my friend has been diagnosed with depression recently, and I feel like it got bad after that. Honestly, I've thought about suicide since I was 12 years old (I'm 17 now), but I've never actually considered it like I have been since she got diagnosed. I've always had this thing where I would get "jealous" or feel inferior to people who would get sick (not just mentally); I aknowledge that and hate that about myself, but I can't seem to stop.
Am I actually faking suicidal thoughts/self-harm? Has anybody felt that way too? How do I stop?
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Well what you said at the top feeling down , thoughts of suicide, self harming that's all far as I can tell are legitimate. Those are questions usually asked on an anxiety/depression form to fill out for a doctor. I know because I generally fill one out every time I see my doctor. I'm not diagnose anything I'm basically saying you should genuinely be talking to a doctor. A lot of people feel down during the holidays. I can't tell you for sure anything but I just know it sounds real. I don't think most people really want to unalive themselves. I get those thoughts too but they pass. Anyway I hope things get better with you xx
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