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Okay so before I start this writing I wanna make something clear before I start writing.
1. I DO NOT PROMOTE OR SUPPORT OR EVEN ENCOURAGE INCEST. That’s nasty
So I have a younger cousin he’s about 1 year younger than me. So he’s always a grade younger. Ever since we were little I’ve always felt different about him. Idk how to explain it I don’t have romantic feeling towards him. It’s weird. In elementary we started going to school tg. I always treated him like a cousin and nothing more and he did the same even tho I had this weird feeling. And it wasn’t really a good feeling it was like a crush without actually having a crush on him. I was infatuated with him. I always wanted to be around him and do the things I saw my older sister do with our close cousin (they were like sisters). But once I got to. Middle school while he was still in elementary things changed. We started living close by so sometimes I would go over to play games on his Xbox and basically just bond since we were so close in age. But he started being weird while I was over on day. He seemed nervous and possibly even tired. Just figured he was having a bad day or a long week. He wanted to play truth or dare and I was alr usually I’m a always pick truth kind of girl but since it was my cousin I was thinking that nothing could go wrong (I was wrong) he dared me to kiss him but before I could say or do anything he grabbed my face and pretty much made me kiss him.. like not a peck he was trying to kiss me with tongue and I pulled away. Yk those moments when ur shocked, scared, or even extremely embarrassed or nervous that u freeze and can’t move. Yea that’s what happened to me I stood there frozen not being able to speak or move. In a state of complete shock not being able to pull myself out of it. I remember I felt him grab my hand and then I felt him slide his d!Ck into my hand. Once again state of shock. It’s weird because I was begging myself to move but it’s like I had no control over my body. Eventually I snapped out of it and moved away. I tried to leave his room but every time I tried to leave he would either grab me and pin me to a wall and tell me not to leave or completely block the door. Then he tells me to get on my knees and I told him no and that I didn’t want to. And he told me that he wasn’t asking. I tried to leave again once again he grabbed me but this time he pushed me to another side of the room and told me that if I sucked it he wouldn’t tell anyone and that he would let me go. At this point I felt like I didn’t have a choice. So I sucked it up and and began to suck him off. I hated every second of it and wanted to cry. And yall are probably thinking that because of our age at the time that it’s like even worse. But he hit puberty early ig because I didn’t expect that it would be the size it was. When I finished sucking him off I just sat there pretty much defeated. I kinda didn’t know what to do. It was my first time doing anything like that.. and it was forced.. by my own younger cousin so I was confused. He grabbed me and helped stand me up up again. Once I’m stood up I snap back and start to walk and he grabs me back and starts kissing me like really aggressive and hard while trying to put his hand in my pants. I try to break away while trying to move his hand but he just pushes it stronger until he got to my private area. He told me to shush and that I’d like it and to trust him. So I let him not that I wanted to or even had a choice. He moves me onto the bed, pulls my pants down and continues to finger me. I kinda just laid there crying just thinking that it was my fault and that if I would have reacted differently after the kiss then it would have never been able to escalate so far. Or maybe if I wasn’t so desperate to have a close cousin then I would have never went over there. Just things like that. Eventually he stops and I put my pants back on properly and leave. At first the whole thing felt like a terrible nightmare or something until he texted me later about it just confirming that it was unfortunately real. Now here’s what’s killing me. It’s 4 years later and I still have this weird infatuation with him. Now there’s new factors added onto this 1. What happened that day and 2. He goes to my highschool now and still lives there in fact I t’s a 5 minute walk from his house to the school. But I can’t stop thinking about him and what happened he’s tried to come on to me but I’ve ignored him and told him no firmly and told him that it was wrong but idk what to do. HELP
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alright so uh, that is fucked. if you have some kind of stockholm syndrome then i would suggest talking to a therapist about this.
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