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i read him a bedtime story last night. he wanted me to. i felt weird abt it. but i did it anyway. why. why did i do it. we've been talking a lot more recently. and now, ik that every time i find myself listening to silence during our calls, he's struggling to stay awake on the other end. not bc im boring but bc he likes the sound of my voice a little too much.
but we're just friends.
so i get confused whenever he says smth a little too friendly. and i havent stopped him, bc idk how to. i dont wanna hurt his feelings. but im still trying to understand mine. we're just friends and yet i find myself talking softer for him. whispering in his ear. telling him what he wants to hear.
i find myself holding back. i dont wanna break him. to be honest, i didnt think i could. but somehow, i already have. i say idk how to, i say it pains me to say no. but when has it ever not been obvious.
i didnt know he cared this much. i didnt know he cared abt me in that way. and i dont like this. it feels awkward. i feel awkward. this feels wrong. i feel wrong.
bc i remember when u were a little more reluctant to compliment me. but friends can compliment friends, right? just not too much? i mean, what r the rules here? lets think. for one, u cant have me thinking ur into me. but now, for some reason, it doesnt matter? do u not feel the need to hide the way u used to? to change the subject. to act like u dont care.
we were friends before. and we still are now. whats different? i dont wanna lure into a false sense of comfort. i dont wanna make u think that im the one u want. i dont want this to end badly. lets not have our last talk be abt me stringing u along. i dont think this is the same? pls tell me its not the same. bc i dont want this to be my fault. i thought it was clear? u know this too, right?
friends, that's all we are.
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