how does stuck in a loop feels like?

I am an elder kid and i have been kinda pressurised to be the best in everything. But that never bothered me much mainly because i liked the appreciation i get after scoring a good score or getting a trophy. Things went bad when my parents started forcing stuffs on me, as in what dress to wear or where to go or not go. Like every minute things, they were too involved. I couldn't step out of my house even when i was 18 and i was still okay with that cos i know i have strict parents but when i was 20, things kinda started getting rough, eventho i was free and had no classes or exams i was still supposed to stuck in my house and i had no choice than cry to parents to go out and even then they said. at one point i felt like this is getting toxic. i love my parents obviously. they take care of me and they love me sm but this side of them wasnt helping me. the way they treated me in every aspects started builiding trauma inside my brain and at this point the hatred i have for this is insane. the will to live is zero when u have no freedom or space. its like i am soo stuck and helpless. if i could just run away i would have. i hate this sm