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Hello everyone,
If what I write is an incomprehensible mess, I apologise. But I have just had the worst day at my job. I screwed up in front of both of my bosses. I'll explain the first problem. I was asked to prepare a poster, but the printer's paper had ran out and we only had a thinner paper. I had help load in the new paper and I attempted to mount it on a board. Unfortunately, even with the help of my co-worker, using a technique which had worked for a previous project I had printed for, the paper was forming too many bubbles and creases, so it could not be salvaged. I told my boss, but he was busy else where to answer, so I continue with what I was originally working on. Later, and the second, but monumental failure of mine from today, was when my other boss had asked me to type out some paper work. He gave a long explanation of my task and I initially thought it would be easy, especially after he reassured me that it should not take long. This could not have been further from the truth. With each iteration, I messed up. Honestly, with each mistake I made, my resolve had waned further. I just gave up by the end of it. He told me that I should not try to memorize the instructions. Worse, our new hire had been, after only two days, recognized as a fast learner. Now compare that with me, the dumbass who had to type out the same paper work at least 6 times. I'm angry with myself, for having made a fool of myself (so close to my first year at the office which will be a blight on my annual review and fresh in their memory). By the end of the day, I apologized to my boss who was still in the office and I told him that I don't know what had happened. It was shameful. So much so that I feel as if I should never return there again. I'm wondering if perhaps this just isn't the career for me. It annoys me, because I see the new hires get assigned fun projects, while I am left with boring paperwork. I can't begin to imagine how mad my bosses are at me for my abysmal performance. What should I do? Is there any recovery from this. I have had days like this, but this was humiliating. I hate where my life is, which is why I am compelled to think that I should just quit this. Never have I felt like such a dejected, useless, moron before in my life. I can't stand it. I should be above this, but I am not. That's what makes me the most angry, when I'm wrong, I know I'm wrong, and that there's nothing I can do to undo my monumental failures. I gave up today and I am suffering the repercussions. Maybe I will be fired tomorrow and my question will be answered for me. There's almost a reassurance in that even if I get fired, I can start again elsewhere. Somewhere new entirely. I'm thinking of the military. I don't know. Perhaps there is nothing in this world for me and all I can do is look onto the abyss. All I know for now is that I want to give up and that I am deeply ashamed of myself.
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You're not going to be fired. Don't quit either. Just go into work ready to be there.
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