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I am 6 days late for my period and it still hasn't arrived. I'm not seeing anyone sexually at the moment so I'm definitely not pregnant but I've had a horrid cold for the past 4 days that I'm just starting to pull out of in time for a funeral tomorrow of my next door neighbour who jumped off a carpark.
Whilst in the heat of this blind rage I'm feeling, I decided to write in here because I know my hormones are going wild and this cold has most likely delayed my period due to the stress it put my body under. I live in a hoarded up mess of a house (not the worst you've ever seen but it's a mess) and for the past few years we've had broken heating. Instead of simply getting a proper plumber in and not caring that they will see a bit of a mess on the landing, my Mother simply won't have it and wants my Dad to follow one YouTube tutorial after another and do it himself to save money and embarrassment. This has resulted in a bad feeling because my Dad, although good at a lot of DIY based things, doesn't have the confidence that he could do it and is worried about springing a leak and having to call an emergency plumber then.
I was sitting down in the living room, hoping that soon my Dad would arrive back with some food as he was going to the shops anyway to take my Nan. He never buys us any food when he's out very often. I mean he will buy the odd pie here and there but I think it's actually my Nan that treats him to those anyway. There's never any healthy options and it's all the sort of stuff I call "grey foods" because they lack colour or nutrients and are mainly pastry.
Anyway, he knows the current situation in the house being empty cupboards and freezers full of useless garbage so I was sat hoping he might come in with something to make me feel better soon. That's when my Mom walked in with a cup of tea for me and two brownies she defrosted. Meanwhile, she sat near me eating mackerel on toast. All I had this morning was a cup of tea I made and a chocolate mini roll so to receive another cup of tea with nothing but more chocolate about 2 hours later infuriated me because I CAN'T LIVE ON CHOCOLATE. My hunger is the one talking right now but it controls my whole mood. My Mom knew that I wouldn't be able to have any mackerel on toast because what with being due my period for so long, I avoid bread products at all costs because it gives me terrible pains once I come on. Sitting there listening to her chewing on her savoury whilst I ate one of these sweet brownies and felt sick from the lack of savoury nutrients caused me to sit in a mood as tears started to fall silently. I know it sounds pathetic but because I've been ill, I haven't been able to go out and fend for myself. I ordered chicken for everyone 2 days back which set me back over £15 because of the disgusting lack of food in this house. I managed to make that last for two meals.
Also, I have now vicariously got a guy in my life that I haven't yet met in person but seems to like me a lot. Neither us will really know how we feel until we meet but he lives miles away like my ex and I am once again feeling like the roadblock of living in a pig sty is going to ruin things between us sooner or later. It would be fine if I could just invite a guy back for a drink without this constant shame hanging over my shoulders. My parents are fully aware of how embarrassing it is but there don't seem to be enough hours in any day for them to just get it sorted the hell out once and for all. My birthday and Christmas are on the horizon again and it is just always depressing.
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What about sorting out and throwing out the mess on Saturday or Sunday? Surely there is one day on the weekend that at least one of your parents can do something about the mess. If you are old enough to work please at least get a part time job so that you can buy food. It is healthier to buy meat and vegetables and other food that you can cook instead of take away. About your friend who suicided: you have my deepest sympathy and I hope you are okay with your period, and I hope you don't get too upset at the funeral. All the best to you.
ReplyThank you. Sorry, I haven't been on here in 2 months! ❤️
Replytrust me you will get back on your period, i went without mine for 2 months straight, you are either highly stressed or it is just normal for stuff like this to happen. i hope you are doing okay and i send you love
ReplyThank you. Sorry, I haven't been on here in 2 months! ❤️
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