Being a sensitive individual especially as a sibling / girlfriend

i really wonder how i can feel other people emotions just by watching a movie , or writing someone a birthday card . I get really triggered when I don't feel understood as if I was programmed in a way for people to simple ignore and let me toughen up alone . But i tried it did not work no matter how upset i get from those around me i always give chances and a better picture for them in my mind. i really thought it's amazing how happy and excited i get for people i see over instagram feed , peolle i don't know , never met but seeing them happy brings warmth to my heart . As much as thats a bright side of the story it really isn't easy when you grieve or get heartbroken. You feel like your clinginess is suffocating those who you want to be close to . you feel your messages and texts in which you send to make sure the other person doesn't feel they re alone, are just making him step away or get even more distant which you fear. Again whats relieving for me like assurance and hearing compliments makes me happy instantly and as soon as i hear them all the anxiety fades away , but who said people are supposed to give me assurance even if they love me , i really can't tell whether me asking to hear smth full of appreciation towards me is too much , meanwhile when i did it hurt my partner saying it shouldnt be asked for i should have waited , am i this pathetic ? am I this hard to bear ? do i not deserve this much attention , meanwhile i don't mind / i would love to give it to my partner but i guess he s avoidant , doesn't like closeness and for me its the opposite , i really felt bad to do so , we even wanted to breakup unmeasured amounts of times but i keep holding on , thinking i do love him a lot one day he will recognize that and change . am i fooling myself ? idk , am i being harsh on him ? idk all i ask for is assurance instead of fights , to be compliments instead of being called out as not confident and insecure. I don't ask for such attention from everyone , i know i am pretty ,smart and i d like to think of myself as a good overall person , but me being kind makes me feel exhausted and i fear being used , i fear being manipulated b=to be treated bare minimum just because he knows i cant leave him , it hurts me more than it hurts him to breakup , its like preoccupied attachment , i know i shouldn't be prioritizing someone this much even if he was my love , hubby, or partner. I also don't know how people don't put other people they care for as a priority , i cant .. i tried i tried crying because at some point he told me he would breakup with me if i did not put myself as a priority but i can't , it snot i dont love myself i do , i just don't allow myself to act in a selfish way which they believe is called self love , i am lost , i love him so much yet i get hurt from the simplest of things , i haven't seen someone as sensitive as i am. i am going to be 22 i think some people might call me immature . i ve been reading a lot about self soothing so that i reach out to him less , i read about avoidant anxious attachment trap to deal better with my relationship . i think of all but i still dont feel enough , i feel like he might leave and my ego doesn't allow me to accept that i loved sm this much gave them this much , experienced a lot with them for like 2 years and they simply can tell " if i leave i can live my life without u without any problem i will be sad yes but i wont end my world just bc of a breakup " but for you its like the end of the world and i love you but i want you to understand you can live your life without me . i ve done a lot bc i genuinely love him but at the end hearing this hurts even if he did not breakup and still with me and try to compliment me when he feels i m about to lose it all . i am genuinely exhausted , i cant leave and i cant stay in a place where i hear stuff like , as an instance i once had a discussion saying is it hard for u to compliment me ? is it hard for you to be close ? he said no , i m like why do you make it this hard for me to hear one . he then said a compliment but it doesnt feel like its genuine . i am tired , its like he knows he can control me , its like he knows what makes me happy and what makes me sad and he uses it . i cant tell what i want anymore , all i wanted was him understanding me better , i m trying to proof that i am worth being loved , i am funny , i am clingy but in a cute way , yes i get anxious but i am willing to come running to see u the first day you come from airport , and take care of you when u re feeling overwhelmed , or cook ameal u love , in the end i even feel maybe i made him feel like his mother more than his lover, but how do i care genuinely for him if i dont . is it true a mature man wont need to be cared for but care for his woman , is it true me going thru this loop makes me inferior instead of understood , is it true that he doesnt love me as much as i do ? if so whats wrong in me ? how can i be better for myself ? how can i stop crying from the slightest criticism , all i do is out of good intentions but i am at the end human , i seek validation and attention, i am sorry i couldnt be what he wanted i tried but i felt selfish and worse towards myself amd i cant let go so i really dont know how to feel next , idk what to do next , i m desperate .