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The modern mom
Its 12:30pm in the afternoon and im exhausted already. I have a 5 month old baby, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a partner that works full time. I also work for a company remotely where I have to be logged in my computer at least 6-7 hours a day. I am also breast feeding my baby every 2-3 hours.
I knew this time would be hard but not hard in the way where I feel like I’ve completely lost my self and havent been able to do the things I enjoy. Dont get me wrong I love being a mom to our beautiful baby and fur babies but I am consumed with all the tasks each day. I am alone most the day until my partner comes home from work around 4pm. By then I am frazzled, drained, sleep deprived, had changed at least 10 diapers, wiped up muddy paws 6 times from the dogs tracking in mud. Ive soothed my baby about 20 times and tried to get her to nap so I can have some time to focus but she only falls asleep on me after breast feeding. Maybe she sleep 30 minutes before I can maybe send an email and lie to boss saying I am working on the files yes and I am productive. I wish everyday I could quit but then I would be stressed about the little money I make to pay off my car payment and credit card debt. I am venting yes but it all doesnt make sense to me why we have to struggle so much. Especially those that are categorized as working class. There were times where we lived in villages and family was close to help with mothers and fathers manage the daily needs of a baby and life. Its not like that anymore. Everything feels a little bleak for me as a modern mom right now. I do have a community thank goodness. But most friends and even some family are a 30 min drive away. Everyone has busy lives. I do ask for help occasionally but also dont want to come across as completely loosing my mind in fear of seen as inadequate or not a good parent.
I think its all just crashing down on me in this moment and they say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger but I feel like an old part of me has died. I used to dance and play and laugh alot more. This week especially I felt like I am just like a 50s house wife but with even more responsibilities then before.
I crave more support and I know I just need to ask for it. Its scary to be vulnerable and say hey I am really struggling over here.
I didnt think it would be this hard.
My partner reminded me yesterday to look at what we do have, which is alot, alot more then most. I am trying my best to do this and reflect on the positives. Its take major mental strength to reverse all the discontentment and look at my life as beautiful and amazing. He is right though we do have Lot and its alot to raise a baby and take care of a home and take care of ones self each day. He said at least we have a home, food in tbe fridge, a healthy baby we are healthy, we have jobs.
I agree we have so much and occasionally Us parents need alot more to survive the mental and physical load of raising baby.
I am grateful and completely in love with this little human that has come into our lives. She smiles and laughs and its a huge relief for a moment and everything doesn’t feel so hard. I know everything we experience is temporary and the goal of writing all This is my hope that it will help Me move forward and keep on going with strength. I also need to remember to ask for help which has always been a hard thing for me. This modern woman isnt super women but I do feel like I need a cape. May those that read this I hope it helps you not feel so alone in the struggle of these times. It has helped me to vent all this and get it out on paper.
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