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My heart nor my mind are open right now. I’ll be damned either way. It’s all a big waste of time, neither letting go or going through the healing process are going to prevent you from getting hurt. That or I’m truly a terrible human being. I’m just hoping I see an opening, I’ve been damage controlling and numbing too much to just move on carelessly with my life, because I feel like I’ll be heartbroken. It’s impossible to let go of my ego and I feel like it’s important because the way I navigated life in my mind was always seeking approval from other people to maybe make me feel less unworthy and more truthful to the basic standards of society... so in a way I’m always chasing expectations. I gotta keep going or they’ll call me a quitter, that’s the sad reality. But it doesn’t matter. I’ll be happy again and feel as though I’m touching God and the truth and feel on top again and like life is my bitch.
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