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Not interal r**cistism, or abandon my own ethnicty and culture. it toxic enviroment I grew up in.
4 months ago · 0 · betrayed, +10
178
As I am slowly recovering from unresolved trauma and PTSD. With help of therapy and getting out my own circle. I was rejecting my own kind especially with come dating a from women. Because toxic upbring from the own blood family and own community. I don't know how what happen. I started get harsh treatments from family and classmates in during high school years until first year in college. However, at time while I was attending. It was mostly Hispanic and other Latin Americans students. I did made a few friends but they backstab me later on and rejected me. I ask family about the betrayals. They ignored it told me and I was a loser being that way. This where hangout with other people. They welcome me and teact me to be better person then own community and family. Then, when I started first in college. Fresh started in new area. However, it seem that with new community still rejected me and make me feel uncomfortable. That led me depression and drop out.
Here some good news. I had pick up a temporary job working with older Latinos and Latinas who legally came to the country and travel international. Somehow? I change my views being Hispanic within my own community. Gave me the confidence to back and finished college in LA.
Until, with combination of family secrets that one of exes could be related from my stepfather and bio father and uncles, and being cheated from ex on to point of self-deletion. I had pen-up emotional trauma for years. That I started show hatred to my own kind and feel disgusted to myself.
Here where i came to point. Either try again in different states or city within my own community or hangout with different ethnicity keep my roots or self-deletion, or abandon my roots and embraced being whitewashed.
My choice hangout with different ethnicity and keep my root. As travel more international. Now. Eventhough, it all in the past. I can hangout within my own community when comes to social events, employment, and businesses. However, start family, or be in a family or be in a relationship. I can not do it or try change my mind. No matter how environment change as time passed or there still some good people within my own community. Unfortunately, I am a person who ended up in toxic environment and see noting but bad people who me wrong especially my own blood family.
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