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I have felt confused about relationships in the past. For context, I had a homeschooled upbringing. I didn't have very many friends while growing up, so I lack experience in some areas. I did have this one friend, we'll call her A, who got BOY CRAZY when she was about 13 or 14. It seemed that with every guy she was attracted to she thought she was going to marry him or something. She had this pattern from her teens to her middle 20s where she would jump into relationships with men she found attractive, talk about engagement and marriage just weeks after getting into a new relationship, and then breaking up shortly thereafter. She has calmed down a lot now she's in her early 30s; I believe her ex-husband taught her a valuable (albeit painful) lesson. Whereas my older sister was rarely, if ever, interested in guys when she was a teenager and young adult. She actually married her first love, a classmate from college. My sister and BIL are happily married 10 years later.
I did not have a balanced view of relationships when I was younger. I saw only the two extremes: one extreme was wanting to marry any guy you found attractive, the other was happily marrying your first love. I thought having a relationship that didn't work out was a moral failing. I didn't see what was between those two extremes: that most people go on dates with others not having marriage on their mind in the early stages, and having a relationship not work out is not a moral failing; in fact, sometimes it's the right thing to do. I went into my relationship with my ex-boyfriend with the expectation that I would marry him, simply because my older sister married her first love, and that I was not like my friend A. So, it's no wonder that I felt devastated when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. I wish I had realized that just because I wasn't like A didn't mean that I would end up like my older sister. I can see this all being a piece in my existential crisis puzzle.
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