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I want to love. I want to love so much that not being able to, it consumes my whole body. I feel like I’m crumbling into nothing, the abundance of love in my heart slowly eating me up from the inside. It’s ironic that the love that’s supposed to be my strength is what is making me weak. IT takes the joy in my heart and makes it hurt. I care so much for others but I myself can not love. I am so painfully aware of the fact that I crave love, crave giving it to others but when the opportunity arises I self-sabotage, not allowing myself to learn what love feels like. It kills me. I feel like the shell of a person, slowly coming undone at the seam. I invest myself in other things to distract myself from the fact that I am not capable of giving that love myself. I am slowly dying because I love too much and give away so little.
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If you are healthy, donate your time or money for a cause you are passionate about. This will help you feel better.
ReplyLoving too much is because you can love well and that itself is the greatest thing.
But the setback is that we feel lonely almost all the time.
See a therapist, get a hobby, go for walks but at the end of the day we still have to relearn to get to know ourselves better in order to love our flaws and it takes years.
Will we fall back into loneliness?
Sometimes, when my brain tried to self sabotage, i'll write up a post then cry myself to sleep. And I'd wake up good as new the next day.
So don't lose hope, don't turn to drugs and alcohol because it will mess you up, I kid you not.
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