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Sometimes it feels like I can't understand this thing called life. Hell even my dad said at one time he hadn't figured it out. Ok if he doesn't know himself who does? I mean I understand the overall big picture on grand scale of things. But as to what I'm supposed to do. Idk im lost. And concerning family I have two sides of family who never talk to me. What's the point of we don't talk. Grandmas was the glue of each family. They died we drifted apart. Mom said to yesterday she noticed not many people putting out Christmas lights. I said yeah peoples either too grumpy or depressed. I also had crazy dreams last night. Was pretty real. Dad moaning in his sleep freaked me out waking me up he didn't know what he dreamed. It was last week mom went off on him yet doesn't want me to for fear of being thrown out. Well what'd you do it for she said there's just time's she has to. She'd been out half the day with him she came back mad as a wet hen. I asked what was wrong I could tell she said nothing I knew that was a lie. Well he was drunk and high so yeah he's not pleasant like that to be around plus falling asleep too. A week later I guess he doesn't remember it. I sure do. Why yell if you know he won't remember. But if I do it its not ok just me defending myself. How hypocritical. They are really smoking too much too. I hate it. Sure I've smoked before but I threw them down they can't. Its sad really. Mom needs a surgery they refuse to let her have it until she quits smoking she can't do it. I suppose we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
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