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i want to kill myself so bad why am i still living (tw: suicide, sh)
4 months ago · 4 · maybe depression, +2 · Explicit
222
hello, it’s me again, that 15 year old who cuts themselves and that person who dropped out of school and maybe has depression. i’ve finally made an account to vent out my feelings and stuff. so anyways, i’m having suicidal thoughts again. i just want to kill myself so badly. i’ve just gotten called a disappointment by my own brother. also i’ve found out that my brother gets praised and favorited by everyone in his class, even by his teachers. it feels like me being ignored by my aunt but on a bigger scale. i’ve also gotten insulted by one of my brothers online friends, so yeah. all of this is just making my life worse. i just want to fucking drown myself in the bathtub in the bathroom already so badly. i’m so fucking useless and worthless. i’m pathetic too. my family hates me and treats me so bad, why am i still living, honestly? and why can’t i kill myself? is it because i’m too fucking scared to do it and that i’m too much of a pussy to do it? damn it, im just so fucking useless and so pathetic. i’ll never get better and im too much of a pussy to ask my mom for therapy, because i already know what’s she’s going to say to me. she’ll just say to me that “we can’t afford it because it’s too expensive.” i think im having these suicidal thoughts again because im no longer cutting myself, so i might need to do that again.
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Heyyy budyy I know sometimes it is difficult to cope up with things, with all the insecurities, biasedness but you know what you can do it you are the most beautiful person ever you dont need that approval from anyone else you are enough for yourself to give that support as soon as you start loving yourself you start worthing you wont need anyone else to do that for you. I have been from the same phase So I can relate but trust me stop hurting yourself you are very important person and you should treat yourself with atmost love and care.
ReplyI know that's got to suck being insulted and treated bad. Just because you dropped out of school doesn't mean can't go back and or get your g.e.d. Your life isn't over. You woke up still with breath in your body that's something. Your life has meaning and worth. You're brother is an idiot to say that about you and you shouldn't listen to him. I know its easy to envy the good things to happen to others. Your brother isn't perfect either I'm sure he has flaws. I'm just trying to say just because things are the way they are now for you doesn't mean it won't get better. Don't cut yourself that only makes things worse. I think you need to find someone you can trust to talk to and open up about everything whether it be someone you know or a therapist. You're just 15 right ?your whole life is ahead of you. You can make it something good if you try. These are the days that should be care free for you mostly as in having fun. I really hope things get better for you. Your life matters more than you know. Try to look for the good things the positive things in your life.
ReplyI can honestly relate to you but there will be someone in life who will make you feel like you are special to them always remember ur a human being you are special to someone thanks for sharing ur story to us.
ReplyYour life is your own. Do what you like, as long as you are happy, but don't harm other people around you, dear...❤️
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