My unfortunate life??

I've been living my whole life with insecurities since the pandemic!! And until now I've been trying to minimize my acnes but they keep cominggg thankfully by my family's support mostly my mother, who suggested that I'd go to a derma and it lessened but I've stopped since we're low on money rn but I'm still grateful for that opportunity !! I've now gained the confidence and had removed my mask for a long time now and nowww, lately I've been being self-conscious because of my large pores and also blackheads😭 and ughh my hairstyle i can't even get a decent onee🥲. Also, i don't even have anyone to open up to since I don't really have any close friends and tho i do have onee, I can't really tell if i do have one or just mistaken a person to be a friend who I don't really get along well.. and I don't even knowww what to say if i did have someone to open up to. I've been always in my house locking myself up since no one asks me to go out.. and spend my free time with. I've been also pretending like a person I'm not towards others to please them, and also a toxic "friend" cousin i have always shares my bad qualities to others likee ughh. I can't even have fun without fearing my insecurities to others.. I'm also not really close with all my cousins since they don't really talk to me much (only when i talk to them) but towards my sister they talks, though this is just how it looks like to me. I really need an advice to my pathetic lifee:(( (I'm 14 rn) (I have more butt yk)