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Ok, so I’ve started at this new school and I’ve become friends with this one girl. We kinda spend most of our breaks together and even sit next to each other every lesson. Since the beginning of the year she has befriended the more “outcast” group of our class. She’s outgoing, but it seems that the rest of the class doesn’t really like her, she’s one of those people who’s a teachers pet and takes everything very seriously. I don’t know her that well personally since I just met her this year. Like I said I’ve been spending a lot of time with her and the others, we’re usually together, but I feel like I don’t fit in with them. I don’t share any interests with these people and overall feel uncomfortable with them. Our whole “group” has become totally detached from the rest of the class. The others have totally formed a group among themselves and we’re not included. In these past two weeks I’ve noticed this distance and it’s honestly been bothering me. I just feel frustrated all the time by the way she acts. She makes me feel trapped and wants to control everything, I can’t even be by myself we have to do evrything together. If I decide to walk somewhere alone she turns to me and asks me if everything's all right. So I decided to kind of start approaching the other. Since the beginning of the week I asked the others if I could sit with them in class. After the first day she sent me a whole paragraph asking wether everything was ok between us, which I found very unnecessary since I had already told her that I wanted to get to know the others better, and she agreed she wanted the same thing as well. But she thinks that the others hate her and that’s why she stopped trying be. I mean I kinda understand because I’ve seen the same reaction towards her by the others. Anyways I tried to also stay with her during break, because I didn’t want to totally distance myself.
Now regarding this group, I just started to overthink about how they might find me annoying or intrusive. I engage in their conversations and make jokes, but I get some bad vibes from one girl. It’s also weird with this one boy. I always catch him staring at me during class, but when I talk to him he doesn’t really seem interested. Like he doesn’t act the same way he does with the other girls, like joking with them or being comfortable. I mean I guess I’m very awkward so that might also be the problem. I just don’t want to be the person who isn’t welcome in a group. I don’t always talk in the group because when there’s too many people I get shy and sometimes just zone out, but I’ve talked with them individually and it’s been fine. I do see that some are also interested in me and we have good conversations. They even asked me if I want to share a bedroom with them when we’re leaving for our class trip, which I accepted. Now I want to know if I should bring up the topic again and ask if they do want me to share a bedroom with them, because we have to give the school a list of people.
I just want to know how to fix this situation, if it doesn’t work out with the others honestly I would rather be by myself at school.
If you have any advice from your experience as a person approaching a “friend group” or having been in a friend group approached by someone new, plssss let me know. I could really use some help.
Thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts.
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Idk if ill be any help but i understand being shy with big groups. Maybe just try to confirm the rooms if you would like. Just be like "hey are we for sure sharing rooms?"
ReplyThanks I will do that. I just don’t want to seem like I’m invading.
ReplyThats understandable but its also ok to double check if potential plans were said. Just don't be scared you got this <3
ReplyI did it. I asked whether it was ok for me to joint them, and she said of course I was the one who asked if you wanted to join us. It all worked out in the end. Hopefully it will go well.
Thanks for the support <3
Replyaww im glad everything worked out for you <3
ReplyThank for your suggestion. Honestly the trip didn’t go that good. I mean I had a different expectation, since we were sharing a room I thought I would connect with the girls more, but they were kind of distant and wanted to hang out within their own group, I would’ve joined but the others seemed “uncomfortable”. Idk I just let them be within themselves and kinda left the room, even when they were hanging out in our room and playing board games. One of the girls did tell me that she thinks I’m cool and would want to get to know me better, we even enjoyed a nice conversation, but there’s one girl who I think doesn’t really like me and idk when the guys join they don’t talk to me at all and kinda seem uncomfy so…idk. Hopefully it will be better after the break, I just hate to feel like an uninvited or extra person there so I just leave on my own to avoid that.
ReplyBut I did get to talk to others and I had a nice convo. I feel like I need to open up more and stop overthinking. It’s just the anxiety man, it’s sooo frustrating sometimes.
ReplyAww I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned but I’m proud of u for trying! Baby steps. And i get not wanting to “insert” urself into places u may feel unwanted. I said u think one of the girls thinks ur cool. Try talking to her more. And I understand the anxiety but u got this trust me. Deep breaths <3
ReplyThanks a lot. I really appreciate the advice. It really pushes me try put myself out there and try. Wish you the best, stranger 🤍
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