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I feel awful. Created a fake image of myself, and I forgot the reason why I did so. I need a friend to talk to someone to trust .. well I don't mean to assume but, from what It looks like, she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm sure I creeped her out or something.
I hope it wasn't a lie when she said she's been wanting to talk to me all those years. I also hope she didn't change her mind about that.
I gotta wake up early morning to take a train to LA with my family . I don't even want to go. I don't want to talk to anyone. But I do. I want to be held in someone's arms , someone out of the blue who loves me more than platonically . in bed. Showered with love. I want to return to me. Ive lost myself. I feel that ugly feeling in my abdomen area. The one where I feel like hiding away and curling up into a ball ... Body so tense... Just crying and wanting all the pain to go away. I'm sorry. I've become a fake.
Someone please save me from me.
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