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I'm so sick of living, but I don't want to die. I really just wanna lay somewhere and scream/cry/throw a fit or whatever the fuck you call it. I can't keep doing this, I'm tired of waking up early after getting basically no rest, going to school and forcing a half-smile and telling people I'm okay. I'm sick of tolerating people and trying to be nice and not tell them how I really feel about them, I don't want to consider other people's feelings, I just wanna let all this pent up bullshit out and be done with it. I feel fucking empty most of the time and I'm sick of people asking if I'm okay all the time, then they proceed to not give a fuck either way. I hate hearing my mother constantly blame everything I'm doing wrong on some electronic, I hate hearing her repeat the same shit about my sleep schedule when I've told her it's fucked and she does nothing about it. I can't keep going on like this. I hate not being able to give my girlfriend the support she needs, I hate seeing her be the glass child, I don't like her disregarding her own health because "it doesn't matter". I can't stand how she's treated all the time, and she thinks it's okay. She deserves better than me but I'm still grateful that I have her, but I feel like I'm always doing something wrong and making her hate me secretly. I hate seeing my grandmother in pain and her saying that she's fine and she just keeps pushing herself, I hate them constantly worrying about money, them telling me that I'm too young to worry about it and they'll figure it out. I hate having to go to a painted ass jail for hours on end, with people I'd rather beat the shit out of than be near them, I hate the fact that I feel inadequate and like I'm worth nothing and that no matter what I do, it's never enough. I feel like I can never do anything right and I'm just a failure and a waste of space and time/energy. I don't like feeling emotionally absent sometimes because then I just feel even worse. I'm in a constant downward spiral and sooner or later someone might get hurt because of me not being able to keep a good grip on my emotions. (I'm not gonna shoot up a school or some shit like that) I hate that the things I'm interested in, other people aren't and I can't find someone to talk to about things I enjoy. I always feel like I'm never gonna be able to truly express myself because I'm worried about people thinking I'm childish and whatnot. I hate the way I look, the way I feel, and just how I am. (M15)
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Now that you have said everything that you hate and dislike how about sending another post listing everything you like.
Replythis is so amazing
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