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People really don't realise how lucky they are to have friends, like ACTUALLY GOOD FRIENDS. Not some 2 faced bitches. I befriended this one quiet girl ages ago and idk what to even call our relationship anymore, wouldn't consider us friends, just classmates. She's so awkward, stutters a ton, doesn't know whats going on, ALWAYS wanting to be in my group if we have to get into them, left me for her old friendgroup, and only rlly talks to me when she needs me, yk? (also js to add, i get creeped out and annoyed by her BECAUSE IN LESSON ILL JS BE DOING MY WORK AND WHEN I LOOK UP, GUESS WHOS BEEN STARING RIGHT AT ME? Oh lordd one time i was reading in the library and she js stared at me from afar and i was so shocked when I looked up 😠confronted her, all she said was "idk what to do so I js stand around" YEAH STAND AROUND AIMLESSLY AND STARE PPL RIGHT IN THERE SOULS.) And like I'm so scared im becoming like her because she's been around me for so long; I no longer feel like I'm good at having convos with people because she barely talked to me, and even if she did talk to me it felt like a joke. LIKE RU SERIOUSLY ASKING ME ABOUT A QUESTION U KNOW THE ANSWER TO EARRRRLY IN THE MORNING? N sometimes i get annoyed and im js like "what do u think" and she ALWAYS REPLIES WITH IDK. then I see her in the library hanging out w her other friends but she's making proper convo w them rather than doing some sort of questionnaire like she does w me.
So aggravating, I just wanna go back to old times. I want my old friendgroup back, even tho one of them was a snake, I still want it back. It was a trio, and one of the girls goes to a diff school now so we do text but its so dry like when I ask about ur day I MEAN TELL ME IN DETAIL GIRL!! like I used to tell her stuff that happened during my day but like ig she ain't that type of person?? and the other girl uuuh she spread stuff around about me a guy I liked in our old school (4yrs ago) and currently we go to the same school and she js looks at me as if nothing happened? Then again, it seems like she's embarrassed since she doesn't talk to me directly, if she wants to say smthing or ask abt something (to do w school) then she'll ask thru her friend who's on decent terms w me.
Basically all I want is just ONE FRIEND. One best friend. A friendship WHERE THERE'S NO JEALOUSY, we can do eachother's makeup, guide eachother (religiously AND academically), hang out together, and tell everything to without being scared of them telling anyone else. Is it that hard to find someone like that? I dont wanna wait til college to figure out if I even have a chance to find my bestfriend. There's NO way I'm finding her in highschool, everyone here's just bipolar and ALWAAAYS involved in drama/creating it. But then again, mentally and physically, I dont think I can survive highschool without someone being there for me, but I think ill js have to tbh
if u have friends ur fr so lucky I don't get why I'm suffering and have no friends I js want someone man, I haven't had a good convo in years, or laughed with someone like I used to with my old friendgroup
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