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It's been 4 months since my mom died. I've been coping as well as I can. Yet, my feelings fluctuate between missing her and being angry at her for the things she did and said to me. We had a tumultuous relationship off and on, so it's no surprise that I would feel anger towards her. We did reconcile while she was still lucid, but the fact that I occasionally feel anger towards her even though she is deceased makes me wonder if it happened too soon. I don't like some of the things she said to me. I don't like how I behaved towards her in some situations, either. I'm trying to make sense of how I feel right now...
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Dear Ty (2)
I know you're not here to help me, because you're gone, but I need help, Ty. give me a sign, something, anything. Please? I need to know you're still out...
i'm sorry you lost her.
ReplyThank you. I didn't expect her to die so soon. She had been diagnosed with CHF and AFib in March 2022. Since her heart condition was well controlled with the medications she was taking, I had hope that she would live about 8 or 9 years after that diagnosis just like her mom. That all went up in flames back in May when my mom was diagnosed with kidney cancer that had already spread to her brain and one of her lungs. I knew when she received that diagnosis that she would have at most a year or a year and a half to live, but I didn't think that she wouldn't make it much past 3 months. If I had known in 2022 that she wouldn't be here much longer and that last Christmas was her last Christmas, I would have done things differently.
Replywhat would you have done differently?
ReplyI wish I had been more patient, more considerate of her, and I said some things to her that I wish I could take back. Because I know she loved me, despite being so flawed.
ReplyIf the nasty bitch of a mother I had died when I was a child still having to live with her I would have been extremely happy.
ReplyWhy can't you be thankful you at least have a mom?
Reply