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Hey here's a little summary.
2013 i almost lost both my parents,mom had cancer and i was told dad had cerebral malaria.unfortunately we lost dad and some drama went down we ended up homeless moving from home to home...eventually we settled down...but 3yrs later mom Falls critically ill to the point where she got dementia and couldn't remember her own kids and the doctors tell the family we are going to loose her so my aunties tell me to get my shit together I'm the new mom( I was 16yrs old). Mom pulls through by Gods grace..
I think i should be over what happened... It's been 9 years since my dad passed on why am I still not okay I get anxious over the smallest things, I overthink everything, I shouldn't be feeling sad I should be fine... I know I almost lost both parents but it's been 9 years i should be okay I mean hey mom's here she got through cancer, you took Care of here why are you still so sensitive. I currently have no reason to be sad or anxious. Your little sisters grown now and your so proud of her I should be happy, I shouldn't be anxious why am I not being as confident and okay like everyone else I should be okay right?
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I think you'll want to look up more information about delayed grief. Taking care of your mom when she was fighting cancer likely prevented you from mourning the loss of your dad properly. Now that your mom is in remission and your life has calmed down overall, you are starting to feel emotions that were suppressed years ago. That's why you're showing symptoms of grief, such as anxiety and low mood, now.
Even though it happened nearly 10 years ago, I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I know from first-hand experience that the death of a parent is hard to deal with. I advise that you allow yourself space to grieve, and write in a grief journal, which can help you process your emotions. It's not too late to consider grief counselling, as delayed grief is quite common.
((Hugs)) You'll get through this.
ReplyThese things have had a toll on you and it will take a while to get over them. I had a horrible childhood with a dreadful nasty mother and an uncaring father as well as hating school with a passion. I left home at the age of 15 and it wasn't until I was in my thirties that I was able to properly hold a job. It took years to get over my childhood. So, it will take time to recover from your traumas too.
ReplyI don't know, I feel like it makes sense. That's a lot of trauma for someone to go through in a relatively short period of time. I don't know how old you were, but I assume you were not a fully settled adult at the time, and it sounds like a lot of responsibility was put on your shoulders. Your aunts telling you to get your shit together upsets me for you. It was the adults in the family that should have picked up the reigns to help you and your mom and your siblings get through this, but instead they handed you the burden. And all of that while you had just lost your dad. Even if you were fully grown and settled at the time, that's a lot. That kind of stuff changes people. People have developed anxiety from "less severe trauma" (not to compare people's trauma, because all of it sucks). If you want to work on it, therapy is probably the way to go, although I know not everyone wants or has access to that. Anyway, mostly I'm just trying to say that you're valid, and your emotions are understandable given your context.
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