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I'm just writing this with whatever strength I have. How do you overcome this mental scarcity when you are being pushed and pressured to do things all the time? Mindset comes and goes like an ear vibration. Some people call me an attention seeker, and I think I might be one. I'm scaring myself into saying all these things. But sometimes it does feel like the world is out to get you, like you gotta give me that. Some random thought would pop out of my mind and make me lose it. If you saw this post several times, it was all me, admittedly. I'm all about my mental health. And it seems that life sometimes makes so much sense to me, but that's what's causing me to lose a grip... because I would make so much sense at times, it's like even the bad things start to make sense to me in my mind too. Today, my mom said she saw a tiny grasshopper, and I said, "I pity him, like I wonder what's his purpose in life...", and she said "if I wondered about that I would have to shoot myself every time...". So that made me think, maybe the purpose of life is just to live and die, like maybe we question our existence too much... why do we think we need to live forever? Unless we are smart enough to beat death... are we gonna be that smart? So here's my hot take: existence is a clusterfuck; it happens all over the place. Picture going really far right; did you do that? Now picture going really far left... now picture the starting point, or the middle... that could be said from wherever perspective you wanna start... it will all be whatever direction you'd like and all the in between. Well to me it doesn't make the most sense, but here's the thing: "what came before?" is a silly question; it's all an undergoing process that transforms endlessly, so there's no point in asking "what came before the banana peel falling on the floor?", it was always there. We are so stupid and ingrained with these misconceptions... but that's false, because everything matters! There were times I tried, but it didn't seem to change, no heaven gained, no heaven lost. And I know you are probably gonna say, "this is survival of the fittest... you need to wake the hell up and start doing things", I don't care what anybody freaking says. I like getting all existential, repeating myself and talking about my mental health... I don't think anybody should have a problem with that. If you don't like it you could look anywhere else.
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