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I wonder if you think about me the way you consume my thoughts. It's been two months now, I didn't cry as much when we separated. But now, it's perturbing to admit I miss you. Even after all the things you did to me. Even after all the times we fought. there are countless times I could remember when I felt angry, sad and frustrated. I wonder if I knew all along we had to end. I wish we had stayed because even if you made me feel angry, sad and frustrated you also made me loved. I am a Scientist who gives the greatest importance to logic. But right now , I am a girl who is weeping over the feeling of not feeling loved. I will not reach out to you ever because I fear that I have realized I didn't love you. 2 years I spent telling a lie. I do care about you. You know why I don't think I loved you ? Because if I loved you , I would love every single part of you. I would have loved you regardless of you not being intelligent or you not being ambitious about University. Long Distance did a number on us. Then why do I weep now ? If i knew I did not love you, why do I cry ? I am a woman of Science, but right now I am being vulnerable. I miss having that one person to talk to at the end of the day, laughing, ranting and crying about my day. I miss spending time with you. I miss every single thing. Is that not love ? I thought it was. I expected too much from you. I expected so much.
But I never expected that the entire reason for our end would be you trying to force me into giving you a handjob and making me cry because I felt guilty. i never felt as disrespected and disappointed as a woman. Girls come to me for advice because of their boyfriends. I am their beacon of logic and strength. I hate that you reduced me to this weak woman I know nothing about, pining after a guy who did something like that to her. Yet, I still think about you. I hate you, I never loved you I think.
Stop getting in my mind.
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