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So...... school break is almost finnished.. but i kept getting these weird feelings; "did i make some friends?" "do people like me?" "are they nice to me because they felt bad i dont have any friend?", it is hurt to think more about it. And yeah... that was back from September i still think about it now.. well i do have some friend(?) but i was soo desperate for a friend, im the type of person that likes to talk... sending funny stuff... maybe things i enjoyed... but.. since they're my only friend i kept sending them stuff and....... i kinda feel i was an annoying friend? maybe i am, maybe no, we will never know.. or atleast for now..
I always feel like im a people pleaser, maybe the clown of a friend group, the ugly one, the bad one. Or maybe im just pick me? im not sure.. gosh i cant even tell myself.. i've made mistakes from the past, if im being honest; its really bad. Maybe thats the reason people dont like me? well i will expose myself here too.. sometime i talk gossip with this one "friend" group, the gossip wasnt that bad i would say its js making fun of the weird teacher or maybe just joke about stuff.. ik its bad, im a bad friend i cant even keep someone secret.. okay maybe some of it i kept it but some well i just got this tingle that wanted me to tell it to someone who wont tell the others, i would say its kinda sharing a secret lol (god im really that bad)
I also have like sooooooo much complicated relationship with people, like my parents, some of my friends, or maybe idk teacher? not really. Im not that good expressing my emotions so i keep my mouth shut about my opinion or just things i wanna say. Im also anxious, i have a bad anxiety everytime it hit its like a panic attack that was so bad making me want to throw up. I also skipped eating, its a habit starting since mid 7th grade? ( currently 8th grade, almost 9th ) oo i remember that time on 8th grade i got sick on my stomach because i wasnt eating enough food, god that really hurted. Atleast im trying to change that habit now.. and yes honestly i dont mind exposing myself but.. i kinda addicted to porn (since 2020... god how many years was that 2? 3? almost 4 now..) yes im a girl, and now im trying to direct my mind to something else so i wont go back to watching those
Honestly, i would say my life a bit weird, complicated, whatever those word is
Feel free to give me some tips or maybe your opinion, i dont mind :-)
p.s the porn addiction was my fault, i was a curious kid its a shame i did that.. ( i wish i could turn back time )
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Replyno way
ReplyI respect you for having the courage to share all of this, i kinda of understand you about the part were you feel like people don't like and you're the annoying friend, well tbh if you feel that way they are probably not the right friends for you, i sometimes feel that i annoy my friends but i know that they wont stop hanging with me because of that, cause they know thats a part of me and they have to deal with. Everyone is a little pick me, its normal, everyone wants attention, dont make yourself feel bad for wanting some, if those people that call themselfs your friend made you feel like you should stop eating or whatever drop those bitches i mean they must be really stupid and insecure to feel the need to put someone down to make themselfs look better to others and themselfs, ignore those people, maybe its seems hard and you will feel like after that you would be left with no friends, dont worry, the good company will come.
hope youre doing better
*gossip is fun, everyone likes it, just find the right group to do it so
Replyi appreciate your opinion!! :D <3
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