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I do things to feel pleasure, I do things to feel good. Once done I feel ashamed. Chasing that dopamine can be so fun, but so bad at the same time. I tell myself I won't do it again, but here we are again. Guilt then sets in. Shame. Why do I do this to myself. Why do I chose these pleasures. I don't know. How do I stop. I don't know.
Traumatized by my past I believe is where I seek my pleasure. I can't keep running. I can't keep hiding. I need to stop. It's driving me insane.
I've been thinking about God. Is he there? Is he real? Can he help me though all this guilt and pain? I don't think it's that simple. I think I need to go through this pain in order to see the clear blue sky and the sun.
So here I go. New year new me right? I sure hope so. Here's to no more guilt and no more pain.
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Thank you for sharing your story :) The fact that you're reaching out and thinking about these things is a great start! What is one thing you could do to take a step forward? Also, God can absolutely help you through all of this. Where are you currently at spiritually?
ReplyOne thing I can do to take a step forward is to look at my future and stop focusing on my past. Currently I feel lost spiritually. I'm unsure of God.
ReplyHey ya know, you're too beautiful to subject yourself to things like that. You're worthy of love. And you're worthy of friendship. Don't ever for a second feel less than that. Come on girl, get back up on your feet and do what makes you feel good.
ReplyThank you for being a helping hand. I really appreciate the feedback and the cheerful advice. Thank you.
ReplyThe fact that you're thinking about God might mean a calling. For starters, no one is going to prove to you that God exists. But, once you start your journey of faith, and you learn about repentance and forgiveness (to repent is key - meaning change your mind and your actions).. once you learn about these things and practice them in your journey you will experience God's grace and mercy. Remember - faith is a journey, not a light switch. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
And since death is the only guarantee in life, Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and at the hour of our death.
ReplyI appreciate the feedback. Learning what the word repent means really opened up my eyes. I want to start my journey of faith, but unsure where to look/ start. I'm terrified but I also am willing to try, to make that change in my life.
ReplyReal.
ReplyThanks for the comment. I'm sorry if you're going through similar issues. But as you see by the other comments. We are not alone and there are loving and caring human beings that will help guide us. Only myself can make the change though
Reply