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whys she the one getting everything she wants? Even after leaving me, betraying me, and befriending some girl she knew always started arguments/fights with ME rather than holding onto a decade old friendship? Her birthday's literally 3 months away, and she's getting a phone NOW? Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of her getting a phone (I think) I'm just jealous because I'm here, always getting phones passed down to me, never getting a new one, never getting any data and I cant take pictures with friends at school, I cant watch shows on my phone if the class is boring, and bc i have no friends i js sit awkwardly in the library as if i have smthing to do, if I had a phone i could pass time by watching shows. Forget all that I CANT EVEN BRING MY PHONE TO SCHOOL BECAUSE IM SCARED OF WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK. Everyone's got such cute phone cases, latest phones and I'm here stuck with a bright red phone case over a purple old phone? With no data, so its practically useless if used outside the home. Like sure be grateful u have that but how the hell am I supposed to be grateful if my lifes just deciding to crumble rn? Not over just some pathetic jealousy over my ex bsf getting a new phone. Its just not fair, I wish I was the one who had a good family, a sister, loving parents, a future trip for Umrah, a massive and decent friend group, and I wish I wasn't the one suffering, lonely and just focusing on others rather than myself. My mom told me since she went over to their home to gift them a brownie that I baked earlier, and I've just done an everything shower and you just HAD to tell me, didnt you? Then I went on to my parents about how I never got a new phone, how my brother always got one but me, how my ex bsf will be like now that she's actually got a phone, what's gonna happen when she actually takes it to school, and I guess my jealousy peaked thru. "Why ru so jealous?" "I never knew you were like that.." like what? I've been comparing myself to others since ages ago, and I've just had my downfall ever since. Everytime I try not tk think about others and FOCUS on myself, something always creeps up and I cry over it. I dont know what to do. Might not be a big deal as it seems, but ex bsf is gonna get wayy to ahead of herself (ego wise) when she begins bringing her phone to school. But other than that, I wish I was able to take photos of myself with my friends and just overall look back at photos I've tooken in school. I feel like my teenager life will just fly by and when I wanna look back on photos, what i looked like/what school was like/the trips I won't be able to since i have no photos and my memory's shit.
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