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I'm worried my saving grace will not always be there when I need it. Today two people were really nice to me and they saved my day. My mind, what can I say about it? It feels whatever it wants. It does whatever it pleases. It's like, if I don't go through the perpetual chain of trying and trying until I succeed, I feel bad for stop trying for a few seconds or minutes, and that's when you know my mental health is garbage. My happiness depends so much on my mindset, and these fears are sure making it hard to keep it. I'm afraid sometime someone is gonna come and call me out for my frail personality. At times, it seems like I'm playing to be some kind of super human, aka God, and not to call myself that at all, but I hate when I'm so full of myself that I'm walking the fine line of someone who cares for others and someone who is always mindful of their self. Mind you this arose of some problem I had while sleeping last night, because I worried of a comment I made to someone online; feelings of hypocrisy and insecurity kicked in and I felt like the tight cord that was keeping me sane was cut at just the wrong time. I know so well when my mind is open and when it's not; when it's not, which is kinda right now, I'm not able to fully appreciate the things in life... and when it's open, I feel like I'm owning every moment in it, but evidently I'm still falling into these situations mentally where my mind just can't hold on and keeps getting compromised. I know you want to say "Will this guy ever shut the fuck up?" so that's why I disabled comments. Hope you can understand and luckily relate. Thank you.
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