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dear j,
i listened to that song again. you know that song. the one we shared an airpod and listed too when you used to come over. the song we listened too when we held each other tight and i felt safe in your arms. the day where i felt an overwhelming sense of love and connection towards you… back when i used to think that you cared about me. when we used to sit on the floor and talk and laugh for hours, when you used to tickle my feet even though you knew how much i hated that.. oh how much i secretly enjoyed it. i secretly enjoyed every moment we spend together. i secretly enjoyed every conversation, every day when we would fit on facetime and ramble endlessly about random things. oh how big my smile was. how big i smiled when you used to walk me home from school everyday, when i used to play with your hair, when you used to pull me in to kiss me with ur big soft lips and your warm hands making my feel so secure. how big my smile was when we used to sit outside or sit at the park bench and i would look at you with sparkles in my eyes. i saw you. i loved you. i wonder if you loved me if you ever saw me how i saw you. if it was a mutual agreement that we were each others. i want to get over you but i often find myself spiraling back into our memories. the memories i keep locked in a box inside my heart. the one im scared of letting go because i have hope that one day you will see me how i see you. one day you will realize how much i loved you. one day just one day you'll say something to me. something that make me smile just as big as you used to. something that’ll bring back the man that i once loved. something that’ll make me feel seen.
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