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Another holiday done and gone. And another one I feel the more and more need to just fade away.
Some days I feel I just don’t belong in this time period or anywhere.
I’ve got a decent job, belong to a small club of like minded individuals heck they even gave me the lead position.
Have a nice new Truck and a few toys.
You’d think I’d be happy, but I am not. Oh just be happy you are alive, or you have the ability to have nice things. This is different. I’ve tried so hard to find a compatible partner. One that wants me for me, not one so desperate to have a relationship that they compromise. Tired of fakes and users.
Hell I don’t even know what I want anymore. Just tired of having nobody that seems to care. I mean coming in from an evening to someone wanting to know how my day was, someone that cares to even get involved. A shoulder to lean on when I need someone.
Friends that say call anytime let’s chat and when I need someone they are too busy or grin thru a few words then say they have to jet.
Someone to cuddle with on a cold night, to kick back and just enjoy something. Dinner out, even a trip out for the weekend.
I have my flaws. I have a chronic health issue, I have Asperger’s (very high functioning). Exceptional credit, I can be stubborn, days my pain is so flared up I can be a bit grumpy.
How much I have yearned for a message some night. I’ll just say “If anyone cares they would message me right now!” To continue to see a dark screen.
I lost the one person I could talk with for hours a few years ago. Even though we’d probably never had totally hooked up we both shared the same type of empathy and we could talk for hours about the nuances of our condition and sometimes we’d just talk about life. Shitty day, fun trip. You’d think k we were BF/GF but nope just two people from the same town now 2500 miles apart that just needed someone to talk to.
I feel anymore I have no one. Everyone’s too busy. Have their own lives, problems and overloaded as is.
Sigh.
Damn this bed is cold.
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