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But I regret so much. I wish I never met you all. I wish I never knew you all. I wish I never left my shell to make friends like you. I wish I could at least say that you somehow changed my life for the better. I wish I could say that I learned something, or came away with something that would help me moving forward. Some lesson I could hold onto. But I didn't.
My life only got better when I finally left. It was a relief to walk away, a weight off my shoulders, but I still carry some of that baggage you gave me. I got over it for the most part, but I still carry the regret. I still carry the changed parts of me. You caused deformities in my spirit that I have to live with now. Still, I never got so much as an apology. I stopped hoping for one long ago.
I can't make friends these days. I can't fall in love. I can't have any sort of relationship. I won't. I don't trust myself after you. I don't trust myself to pick the right people. I don't trust myself not to push them away or hurt them in some way. These days, I'm just damaged goods.
You gaslit me so much that my soul seems to have scorch marks. Messed up memories of what happened and who I was. I don't even know who I am anymore. Who was I back then? Before you made me think I was this monster. Who was that girl?
These days I see you on the internet, but I steer clear of the social media. I won't show my face, won't tell my name or age. I can't risk putting myself out there for you to find. For you to hurt again. So I hole up in my little apartment. No friends, no family, nobody to share myself with. Just me and my thoughts. Me and that grudge, who I swear I've thrown away before.
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Hey I'm sorry someone treated you like that. I'm sitting here alone in my house right now. True friends are hard to come by. It's like everyone just wants to use you. I had a ex that hurt me a lot. Like really bad. I think about it all the time. How it's effecting me. I loved her a lot. We tried to be friends but never could. And that's my fault IG. I hope you come across some true friends that lift you up instead of drag you down.
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