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I have felt angry for so long. I am tired of keeping everything inside. I am adopted, my parents met while they where drunk and had me. Both of my birth parents are addicts. When I met them for the first time I thought that I would feel relieved, maybe even happy. I was so wrong, when I met my birth mom all of these memories came back. I remembered what it was like to feel alone, unloved, scared, abandoned. I wanted them to know what they did to me. I wanted her to remember when she starved my sister and I leaving us to suffer on are own while she got high. I remember everything that happened. She seemed upset that I could remember. She asked me who told me what happened. I told her that the memories came back when I looked her in the eyes. Why do I feel so angry after such a long time? I am tired of putting on a fake smile and saying everything is okay because it is not. I was sexually assaulted at the age of 7 in foster care. When I told my birth mom what happened she made it about her. I just wanted her support. I wanted to know that I was not alone. I wanted to know that after all of the years of hating how I looked and felt I could start loving myself. I was wrong, when I looked her in the eyes I realized I will never be able to call her mom. I will never be able to see her as the person who gave birth to me. The only person who deserves that title is my adoptive mom who stood by my side even when I was unlovable.
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