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I don't know how I'm going to deal with this..... I failed my final year twice.... The first time, I knew it was going to happen. COVID really tanked my grades and so when I saw I didn't make it, I didn't care because I knew I tried my best but I also knew my best wasn't enough.
I decided to rewrite the two subjects I failed, but this time.... This time I was so confident in myself. The papers were actually enjoyable and I was confident I would at least pass. I didn't care about getting good marks. I just made sure that I performed well enough to PASS.... But in the end I didn't.
Yes I'm a little aware of why this may have happened. There are assignments and other tests that contribute to our final percentage. And those are things that I can't change from my performance in my final year. The only thing I can redo is the government examinations.
That still doesn't help with the agony I'm in however. The first time around I got the results I deserve. This time around.... After all I put myself through I felt I deserved at least a pass.... Not deserved, I know I worked hard enough for more than a pass.... But now I'm sitting here trying to wrap my head around this.... And I'm starting to doubt my efforts more and more...
I'm gonna try again. And I have a better plan to conquer this. But that doesn't help the pain I'm in right now.... The pain of actually having hope for your future and having it all crushed because of two numbers.....
Gosh I'm exhausted....
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I want you to ask yourself, “Why am I doing this, who is this for, what does this mean to me?”
If this is something you truly want to pursue then pursue it no matter the cost.
Look I failed my general testing for trucking 6 times in a row. It was embarrassing to fail time and time again. But I passed on my seventh because I knew how important this was for me and eventually I got it.
It’s hard and sucks when you fail, but failures give you valuable lessons.
Also I like to think that the trials, pain, and failures we face give us a story to share with whoever we meet “down the road”. Maybe you are experiencing this because one day someone will be looking up to you, and you’ll have these prior experiences to reflect on and help them with. I know it hurts, but if you truly want it, find ways to perceiver for your own sake. It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s not okay to expect yourself to be perfect.
ReplyThanks :) this.... Seriously made me feel a lot better. I was so deep in the gutter of depression because of failing and I didn't even try thinking of a possible bright side. You giving me this advice actually filled me with some hope. I'll try my best moving forward, thank you for this. Genuinely thank you so much!
ReplyI’m so glad to be of help, just remember that you are human, you can’t and don’t even need to be perfect. What matters is that you learn. Your failures don’t define you. You are alive and that is a fight in itself and you are still here. GOD’a not done with you and you’re not done with yourself. Take all the time you need and do ‘t ever let yourself feel less than anyone else.
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