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What does it feel like to have someone who stays? Who IS in it for the long haul? I wouldn't know. But I do know what it's like to have someone who's LOOKING for a reason to leave and doesn't need a second of convincing before they're packing up. Have those thoughts isn't what offends me. Life and marriage is full of it's downs and doubts, too. It's the fact that the enemy whispers lies to you and you folded in a heartbeat. You didn't question it. You didn't seek proof. You wont even accept anything that could possibly even put a hole in those lies. You "just know." So do you even actually believe it? Or is that just what you're going with because it is the only acceptable reason to part ways? You always made it clear that would be your one reason. Almost as though you were prepping, or warning, me. Even as I look back at all the signs now. I don't think I would've been able to stop the hurt. I knew it would come. I sensed it. I guess that's why my guard was never really down. Never allowing myself to heal from the previous times I'd been abandoned. Deep down I always knew one foot was always out the door. But all I could do was watch the waves of my life and future come crashing down on everything I ever worked for. It's lonely. It's the car rides that are meant for the tears I don't want you to see, because I don't want to admit that I let you do it again. Leave me. Abandon me. It's like I meant nothing. The fact that you can make promises to people, and not keep them. And all one can do is absolutely nothing. Because life's not fair. And there's really nothing you can do about it, but hope you're making the right decision every time you make one. And one day, it's not going to be the wrong one. And you won't find out until it's too late.
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