The repetitive cycle of how unlucky i am!!!!!!!

Dear diary,

my life is beyond messed up! All I can think about is how to get it together and how I should stop wasting time and stuff but there are zero efforts made. Yes, I am aware I am giving zero so I am getting zero in return. I do know it's my fault but well nothing a good rant would fix.

I actually failed two of my subjects which are obviously none other than Mathematics (which I was infinite % sure I nailed it) and Physics (istg that cursed apple is the reason).

I got my result on 16th August, 2023 and I started preparing for my exams once again, mom wanted me to give me the paper in 2024 may/June, so I would have more chances to get better and obv the more practice the better outcomes. I would agree I did waste my time but I do work good in pressure so it's not that I know nothing I do know a lot! I also forgot to mention I was enrolled in a coaching and my presence began to fade in the mid December to me literally not showing up at all in January, anyhow my Sir removed me from the Math's group. He will definitely not give any chances to listen to my fake stories but I am a great liar!

Fast-forward to today: I actually accidentally saw the fee structure of 2021 may/June for Cambridge international examination, I totalled 36,000 smth and the real fee was 58,000. Yes, Ik my bad but like gahhhhhhhhhhh anyways its fine!

Now I have to earn, I am comfortable in remote jobs but I am aware my mom will make me go to school as a teacher so I dont rot at home.

Anyhow I hate myself and I do lowkey wish that I should've passed away instead of my dad and that I was just as smart and successful as my sister.

AND OH I forgot to mention about since how long my bf has been wanting to meet me in person but all I can say is no and now he really wanted me to but I had to say no again and I mean he is talking but ik he's really upset and disappointed.

Khair I am just like my father: delusional!

we might meet again, ill name you perry winkle!

yours truly,

H.