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I don't really care about my future.
I don't have any dreams. Sure, that's fine. That's okay.
I have such a good life. No siblings. Nice parents. Privacy. Can study anything I want, do nearly everything- I have a great life. But why can't I give it to someone who f***ing deserves it? Someone who wors hard and doesn't have any opportunities?
My parents don't love me because I am a certain way. They love me because I'm their daughter.
I'm their daughter, a horrible human being. I'm not even nice. A trouble to people. I've been a bother to more people than times I've been useful.
I could literally be perfect, but I'm not. I'm the worst. I'm ungrateful. I'm ugly.
F**k. I have to go to college someday. Finish school. Turn eighteen and become an adult. I'm planning on finding a way to enter college a few years after ending middle school, so I can experience what it's like not to be spoiled so I get a taste what it's like working in horrible jobs first. I don't deserve my life, I wish anyone else could have it. My friends. My classmates. Anyone else, I swear.
I want to die, but I don't . There's no point in death. But now I'm failing school ( again ) because I never study, even though it's all esy to pass. I have no motivation. Just been staring at a page for over half an hour now.
I want to stop existing. As in having a heart attack, or having a bomb land on me. I sometimes lay down my bedroom floor and just cry. There's no point, no point, the only thing I can do is fail fail and fail.
Does anyone have advice? Is there a way to give my life to someone who needs it more than me???
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So you don't think you deserve it? Well I can already tell you're humble. From what you've said it seems you have a desire to help others. Maybe you should try to build your life to help others in the future. Use you're strong foundation to build an empire. A refuge for those who have no foundation to stand on. But, you have a lot of life to live and the idea of a role so big is indeed scary. So just do what you can for the people around you. Someone someday may need a helping hand that you can provide. Stay positive and others around you will soon fallow.
ReplyYou say that you don't have dreams, but then you say that you wish you could give better circumstances to people that need them. It sounds like studying for a future career in public service (social work, etc.) could be something that you could find passion in?
Replyplease don't say that!! you're such a great person. we all have our flaws, but you shouldn't look down on yourself for that. you deserve your life. you have it for a reason. I appreciate you. it's okay to be upset sometimes, but don't dwell on the negative thoughts.
"I'm ugly"
"I don't deserve this life"
"I'm spoiled"
it's crazy how none of that is true, honey. you're gorgeous in your own special way, and it's their fault they can't see it. you are so deserving of everything you have (except the negative things!!) and I love you for still being here.
thank you.
ReplyOh my god all these comments are so nice! It definitely helped me gain a new perspective on my feelings. I deserve to love myself, and I can use what I have to help others.
I'm already helping friends and doing everything I can, but using my foundation to become even bigger so I can help others? Now that's a great idea!
I think I finally have a direction I could go to, a dream to work towards. I'm not social, but a social job sounds nice. I'm not a leader, but an empire also sounds nice. I still don't have a dream job but a dream to help others could be the perfect thing to replace that spot.
I don't think any of you will read this but thank you so much for the advice!!
Replyway to go! you've got this!
Reply