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I was crying on my bed silently letting all my tears flow out and then my special needs son started to play with me and was cheering me up...it worked and he continued to do it till my tears stopped but then a memory clicked in my brain...when I was young like him and my mother would cry and depend on me to emotionally validate her feelings...she would constantly emotionally abuse me and manipulate me....I bursted out crying again....my mother hurt me in so many ways and now I feel guilty on top of depressed because I don't want my child to ever experience that...I failed at many things but I don't want to as a mother...I just need some help.
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It really hurts when happy, good things are triggering.
He may be too young to see it right now, but one day your son will see how much you love him, and how much you're doing to make sure that his life is different than yours was.
Your son cheering you up is different than relying on your child to manage your emotions. You showing your son what emotions look like is different than depending on your child to fix adult problems. You are NOT your mother. You know what not to be, and you can use that to love your son in the way that you deserved (and still deserve now) to be loved. You've got this, mama - give your son and yourSELF a hug today!
ReplyThank you so much ðŸ˜
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