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Hello, I recently graduated and passed in 2023. While I was reviewing for my boards I prayed that the Lord would give me a chance to pass the exam because I want to work with patients apply my knowledge, of course, earn money. And now I'm working at the chronic dialysis center. Now, I'm in my second week as a trainee, while juggling my brain with the NCLEX review (usually I'm procrastinating). There is something back on my mind that constantly reminds me that what if I have a different job; like working in the kitchen (cause I love cooking and doing experiments in the kitchen), or babysitting abroad as my cousins do, plus they earn good money. I do not say that those jobs are easy but I feel bombarded with my situation right now. When I was a student, we were making rounds from different departments in the hospital and community, and I feel stuck at this moment. I know I like routine but my mind is giving bad vibes, I don't know, I don't want my parents to get disappointed because of my indecisiveness. Or should I feel grateful because God permits my prayer, even though my heart seeks another? Sometimes, before going to work, there is a bad thought in my mind, like what if I get crushed going to work or accident to end this all? What will my life become? Maybe I'll get depressed about my situation because my body can't function, on the other hand, it is a great escape. I don't know, I know this is bad, I know I'm ungrateful to my parents who worked well with blood, sweat, and tears for my tuition. But I want to go to another path, and I can't say it to them on their faces, my conscience can't. I know life is not easy, but how to survive this? I hope there is someone out there who would relate to this. Thank you for reading, sorry I'm not good in English tho.
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Instead of caring about living your life for your parents live your life for yourself. If you can't tell them what you intend to do write them a letter explaining your thoughts on this matter. I wish you the best.
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