why do i crave validation

i’m a sophomore in high school and i live in a very very small town. because of this, i’m automatically at a disadvantage academically because my school doesn’t offer advanced placement or community hours and our teachers are pretty much just teachers who couldn’t get hired anywhere else. we do have honors classes, but that’s it.

with the second grading period just ending, report cards just went out. i got mine and i was genuinely SO proud of myself. i didn’t only have As across the board, but i didn’t have a single grade that was less than a hundred. my GPA was literally better than perfection. i worked really REALLY hard this past grading period and having something to show for it meant a lot. so i got home and when i was asked to see my report card i got that twinge of anxious excitement. i handed my mother my report card, waiting to hear some kind of “i’m proud of you” or “you did a really good job” but instead i was met with an unenthusiastic “i saw, that’s cool” and i know it’s not the worst it could be, i know that. but it was just really degrading for some reason. like all the hard work i had put in was for nothing. the nights i spent wracking my brain and ripping my hair out meant nothing. then as the cherry on top i got to hear about how proud they were of my brothers. i’m not saying 80s and 90s are bad grades, but again, i literally had a GPA of OVER a hundred and got next to nothing. the most validated i felt was when my alcoholic, highschool dropout father told me i did good and that my grades were awesome. which would have meant everything coming from my mother, it’s just not the same from him. but i was determined to not let this ruin my day. however, since we were talking about school during dinner, i brought up the whole AP thing, not in a whining way, just in a general way. i was met with zero support and told by my mother that i should be in more extracurriculars and do some community engagement. our school doesn’t offer community engagement and i’m in the extracurriculars that i can handle. i just want to make her proud. she only seems to truly notice when i do something wrong. i hate that i crave this validation that i know i won’t be receiving. i just want to know that someone cares. i want someone to be proud of who i am. how can i be proud of an accomplishment that nobody cares about.