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Money is everything ,isn't it? you need it to get recognition from friends, family and society. i really envy those who get real friends and family even if they don't have money. Though i only heard about it neve saw in real life . Today a incident made me realize you actually have to be rich to be visible in this world or your family. I was raised in a lower middle class family . So my relatives always acted vey different with me than they did with my rich cousins. I'm a sensitive person . I can easily notice the behavioral differences since my childhood. They acted sweetly with my cousins. Even if they make mistakes they won't say anything and will justify their mistakes why they act like that. My cousins can joke around anything and they won't mind. I always craved their love and adore. But they always acted aloof with me , my small mistakes would be magnified and always criticize me. when I joked about something they would scold me for saying inappropriate things, which was surprisingly funny when my other cousin said the same. This thing affected me badly . so i started to detach myself from them which didn't work as they visit a lot and I've to be there. i used to be cheerful happy and talkative person. i was a social butterfly and would laugh a lot. at the age of 20 my personality started to change. At first it was subtle but now i feel my demeanor has completely changed. I fake smile a lot now . I don't remember when was the last time I laughed from my heart. I don't love going out as much as I loved. I feel exhausted staying with people and zone out a lot .my patience has decreased and I easily feel panics. Negativity has surrounded my mind and heart.
One thing I don't understand about myself is i shouldn't be effected or disappointed anymore when things like this happens. I should be aloof and have to have don't care vibe. why can't I change. why do I still have expectations from them. I really want to be a heartless person who don't care anything but themselves. how can i change myself even when they are around always. can't go to therapist as they are way too expensive in my country.
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Wow. This is beautiful. You literally got inside my brain and expressed all that I feel. I have no money, I work and pay my own bills. I literally have no friends. In my 20s it bothered me greatly, now I enjoy my solitude. I know that IF I had money, sure everyone would be my “friend”, but do I really want that? What I do now is I changed my expectations. Who said people are supposed to care? Maybe my expectation was all wrong. Humans only care IF we can be useful FOR them. We have to be okay with that. We have to enjoy and appreciate who we are, independent of others. Something that helps me is to look all around me. Everything around us was made by human hands. Human hands of people unseen, unheard, but who worked hard so we could have a token of satisfaction. Keep your chin up my friend!
ReplyI think that too. But sometimes your brain and heart doesn't cooperate with it. the stupid heart wants to be loved for once . Thank you so much for your support.
ReplyDon't change yourself but rather embrace it. I am going through the same thing. My cousin who is wealthy is treated with much respect, they never talk over him and constantly ask about his life. My sister who is getting her masters is constantly bragged about by my father but I never seem to come up.
But this is what I found helpful, a person without purpose is succumbed to needing to find validation from others around them.
Find something you enjoy doing and work hard at it, find/make a purpose for yourself. In Psalms 139:14 GOD says you are fearfully and wonderfully made, Jeremiah 29:11 says he has a plan for you, find that plan by seeking him.
You are not worthless and your value can't be priced by people who are also affected by the same values. I know it hurts because you want a sense of belonging and you feel that you're not accepted just the way you are.
Find things you like about yourself and write them down and place it next to your pillow, when you wake up read them and tell yourself positive things, and actually as soon as you wake up, take breathing exercises for at least 2 minutes.
GOD loves you, and I can show you the love of a friend if that will help. You are worth too much to let people around you define you. Remember that GOD died for you because he said he didn't want to be in heaven without out so he chose to forgive you of your mistakes and is willing to work with you and walk this life with you if you let him.
ReplyI wish I could make myself capable for not seeking validation from anyone.
ReplyWish I could too, well we can be friends if that makes you feel any better?
Replylets be friends :D
ReplyMy insta is Devindadude559
Replylets be anonymous friends
ReplySure thing. Well I hope today was a good day for you. Keep your head up and never give up because you deserve to smile, laugh, grow as a person so give yourself a chance to make mistakes and try new things
ReplyDon't change yourself but rather embrace it. I am going through the same thing. My cousin who is wealthy is treated with much respect, they never talk over him and constantly ask about his life. My sister who is getting her masters is constantly bragged about by my father but I never seem to come up.
But this is what I found helpful, a person without purpose is succumbed to needing to find validation from others around them.
Find something you enjoy doing and work hard at it, find/make a purpose for yourself. In Psalms 139:14 GOD says you are fearfully and wonderfully made, Jeremiah 29:11 says he has a plan for you, find that plan by seeking him.
You are not worthless and your value can't be priced by people who are also affected by the same values. I know it hurts because you want a sense of belonging and you feel that you're not accepted just the way you are.
Find things you like about yourself and write them down and place it next to your pillow, when you wake up read them and tell yourself positive things, and actually as soon as you wake up, take breathing exercises for at least 2 minutes.
GOD loves you, and I can show you the love of a friend if that will help. You are worth too much to let people around you define you. Remember that GOD died for you because he said he didn't want to be in heaven without out so he chose to forgive you of your mistakes and is willing to work with you and walk this life with you if you let him.
Reply