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Sometime back I met a person... Yah here comes a cliche story. I met that person and in very short time we had a great bond. But I am a peice of crap, who ruins everything with such a perfection that I never ever became a friend to someone. But this time I am genuinely trying to make everything right. This is in my defence I am a very insecure person and for those insecurities I always tries to know from people around me that if I am important or not for them. I get easily caught up in my thoughts that someone is not liking me whether its true or not and that bothers me a lot. Same thing happend to me and I bugged my friend (that person) asking them to tell me that you are not using me and our relation means something for you. That bothered my friend so much as they said they don't like such conversations. Afterwards they started ignoring me (according to my perspective). And I started apologizing for that. That seems to annoy them even more. And suddenly I became so selfish so desperate that I forgot that that person has feelings too. I hurt them. I didn't realize I started taurchring and blackmailing them about my feelings. They said a lot of hurtful things to me when we fought. Most of them were true but some of them were just hurtful. And to top that of when we met after all that I again did the horrible thing of forcing myself on them, chasing them. They even told me that they want some time to process all that but I didn't stop at that point. When I realised all that it hurts me to think that I am such a bad person. I always thought that I am not worth a friendship, I am not a good friend, but for the first time I realised that I am not a good person at all. Now I will make ammends to become a better person. And I wish my friend forgive me and we can be the same we were before. Maybe not possibe but I want them so bad. I want to say sorry to them but it may be late now.
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Hi, I don't think you are completely wrong or bad sweetheart...
Not only you, everyone also needs to be loved, needs to know that they are very important to other people and need friends.
You just need validation and wonder if they are just using you or you really mean something to them. I understand you, because actually I am also like you, wondering whether I am important to other people and whether they love me.
Don't be discouraged like that. You are a brave person and honest with what you feel. It's not wrong, dear.
I'm sure they love and need you. They were just too shocked and didn't know how to respond, because you were so direct. But beyond all that, the fact that they have been beside you, that's what you should know, that they love and see you.
Everything will be fine, it's never too late. You'll be fine sweetheart... ❤️
ReplyThank you for such word. Even you don't know me you care. Can I ask you something
ReplyOf course, I'll answer as far as I know, if it can help you... 😉
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