What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
I graduated a few weeks ago with my degree in computer science. It was the hardest 4 years of my life but everyday I got thru it because I thought it would pay off.
Everyday I imagined what it would feel like to be able to pay rent and also buy food, have health insurance, have more than one pair of shoes, actually start saving for retirement. Simple things that normal people have, I have coveted for 4 years.
I thought completing the degree would help me out of gross poverty, maybe at some point it will but right now I feel like a clown. I grew up poor and was used to working multiple jobs all thru my 20s. Now I honestly think I would have been better off just staying where I was and working my way up rather than returning to college to rack up $$$ debt.
Of course none of us could have predicted "tech layoff-ageddon", I understand the market has highs and lows but geez.
I've applied and applied for jobs until I'm blue in the face. I try to maintain a logical approach and I keep applying but psychologically it's wearing on me. I apply for tech roles, adjacent roles, retail jobs just for right now, sales, literally hundreds of jobs. I tailor my resume, write cover letters, hired a job coach. I have literally done everything a person could do. (I only apply for jobs I'm actually qualified for and still only 3 interviews- 2 of the jobs got closed due to budget and 1 they went with someone from Meta with 6 yrs experience.) I've gotten positive feedback from mentors, professors, everyone all reassuring me it's not me and this is the new normal for now to just hang in there.
ps- I did 4 Faang level internships during college, and have excellent GPA-still nothing matters.
Meanwhile I'm sleeping in my car. I have signed up for every low income program, housing list, job list etc. Nothing is coming thru anytime soon. My car is about to be repossessed, I do not have car insurance, can't pay my car registration and to top it off my car is probably about to die anyways.
I deliver food on various apps during the day and apply for Full time jobs in between orders. Most days I'm ok and I feel hopeful but around Christmas I got really sick and had to go to the Emergency room. I'm now taking medication and trying to keep it together but I'm scared, in pain most days and sick.
I feel like standing on the corner of a busy Los Angeles street with a sign outlining everything I just detailed because it's 100% true and unfortunately happening to me. I would never shame my family so I keep this to myself and earn about $50 delivering food everyday. At least I can eat a meal a day, keep gas in the car and keep my cell phone on. The cost of everything is so astronomical I don't stand a chance. I'm a native Californian so I do not know where else to go. Like should I leave my state and be homeless in another state?
This week I literally feel like simply being alive is too PAINFUL anymore.
Just continuing to exist is the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I do not believe in suicide but I feel so hopeless and helpless.
I feel ashamed writing this out for the first time but this is everything.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
My parents are going to become homeless
The trailer park we live in gave them almost a booklet of things they needed to fix . It also said in writing they have 60 days or they are going to get evicted...
-
Misanthrope
It’s not you. It’s not the bottle. It’s not your fault. It’s everyone else. They took our souls first. They killed our innocence at a y...
Leaving your state probably won’t solve anything, it’ll just transfer it all there instead. These are very difficult times and I hope you find a breakthrough very soon
ReplyIm sorry youre going through this.
There is no shame in asking for help from your family.
ReplyThis is exactly what I've been talking about the news keeps going oh the economy is good then I see stories like this that prove otherwise. I have heard that things are quite expensive in California. I would do research before I tried to leave to go elsewhere make sure you have somewhere to go to. Maybe you could try making a go fund me on social media maybe. I do know local churches or food pantries give food donations usually. Hang in there maybe things will get better just don't give up.
Reply